Treading Water

I used to be ambitious. I wish I knew what the hell happened to that.

Day after tomorrow I leave for home. For some reason that really depresses me. I mean you would think that getting home, my own bed, my own car, would be great. I miss my kid, I miss my cats. I joke that I'm on vacation but I have worked full time plus done a lot of tkr and other related stuff so in reality I have not had a lot of time here.

I just realized a few things today. Like:

* what is wrong with me? both IG and Nero have given me specific exercises to do dating back to January (for IG). It's been like a year and I still haven't done them. With ambition like this, it's a wonder I'm not still a slug.

Wait.

Never mind.

* what is wrong with me? I keep making these halfhearted "someday I will make a real commitment" sort of wishes related to RV. When am I going to tell enough of the world to stuff it that I can view every day? I said once that any avoidance of RV for more than 48 hours that does not involve an NDE is denial.

(How can it be denial if I admit it? My brain hurts.)

* what is wrong with me? I've spent two weeks near the largest natural mineral hot springs in the country and haven't managed to go there once. I can't believe it. In reality I spent a small fortune, four DAYS in transit RT, all so I could do very little less than I do at home, except I didn't have the taxi-mom duties. Sigh.

It's like all the ambition I once had, all the intensity, and commitment, has faded into some wish-I-could-nap, chronically sleep deprived, kinder-gentler lack of concern. It's gross!

Well, so... what's wrong with me. I have work overdue and I'm blogging. I am supertired and I'm not sleeping. I need to meditate and pray and instead I'm typing. I was thinking the other day that I don't really need to worry about remote influence, not that I ever did of course, but it seems to me I'm far more dangerous to myself than anybody else is.

I left my ambition on a distant shore, I guess. Now, I just feel like... I'm treading water.
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Dream Images

Today I was looking at a friend's photo collection and stopped in amazement. There was this photo that in one part of it, looked exactly like I recall from a dream I had years ago. It was a place with columns, and a squared pool, and shallow steps leading in, and in the moonlight. I'd forgotten the dream for years. In the dream, the pool was both a pool and a place of baptism. But a man of evil was living among us and he had a tendency to take people out there late at night and drown them. We would find their bodies in the morning and nobody knew the killer, but I suspected. Unfortunately, one night, he managed to kill me. But I had the last laugh. I came back, a ghost, I refused to leave, until I got through to the others that the evil was him, and they did away with him.

We watched The Mummy II later. In one scene in this place I can't remember the name of, there were all these huge round columns. It totally reminded me of this amazing dream I once had where I was in the middle of something that looked and felt just like that but the columns were like cohesive water (like the special effects in that movie 'the abyss') and when I would put my hand on one, gold light would spark where I touched it and shoot up from my fingers inside it and 'rebound' all over as it went up and then went across this really high ceiling, as if the entire enormous structure were made of that material.

Then there was this other scene that was so much like another dream I had, this one back in '94, that I was stunned. In the dream I was standing in formation with a group of people in the sands of egypt, and this big 50 foot tall gold egyptian statue-man who was like our leader in some way rose up from the sand in front of us, pointed his finger at the far side of our group, and this huge blackness like a liquid shadow spread over the sand and crept upon us, coating us, we leaned away but could not move for some reason. Somehow it made a permanent change in the person and was visible and yet... it was not visible, too. Later in the dream the group and I were discussing what we should do now that we had this effect. The effects were things like, it made us need to live during the night instead of day, and it made us want to eat fruit, and I had this strong correlation in the dream of bats that sleep upside down, eat fruit, and come out at night. We talked about maybe trying to sleep in trees quietly but I said no, it'll never work, people will see us and freak out and shoot us.

When I woke up I was disturbed by the 'darkness' symbol in the really vivid dream, and the dreams I had with the big gold egyptian guys (and the sphinx, which was quite diff in the dreams--way bigger on top, diff looking, had a mate somewhere far away, and was sentient, a long-term "watcher" designed for that role by unusually tall thin people) were always unusually... "powerful" as dreams go, with an odd degree of 'tangibility' to them.

Anyway. I just thought it odd that today I would see three highly unique things each of which totally sparked memory of a different dream all from many years ago.
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Humanity and Self-Definition

Tonight I watched this really depressing movie called 'The Constant Gardener'. A tale of third world country and endless big corporation evil white man injustice. In other words -- it's just another day. 'White men are the antichrist' as some murderer once said before his death sentence was carried out. Sigh. As if all men aren't equal in capacity for harm to others (and self).

There are so many subjects I have studied, from a little to a lot, in my life. The three most demoralizing subjects I ever looked into were the AMA (American Medical Association), the issue of child immunizations in the USA, and Mad Cow syndrome. These being topics I wish I could surgically extract from my mind for my peace of mind. As Joachim Phoenix said in 8mm, "there are some things you can't un-see." I can't change it; it's too horrible, more than most can imagine; so I don't want to know.

We were talking after the movie about issues of the world, and the effect it has on a person when you start believing that 'everyone' is corrupt and that every government is evil incarnate and the world is just a bad place. In most, including me, initially it generates rage, a desire to fight it, to "do something." In me, after that point, I realize what cannot be done, and work to let go of it, since negativity within me does me far more damage than most anything outside of me. In many people, though, they can't let go. It just "eats away" at them from the inside.

I can only conclude that it is my duty to be of warm heart and good intent and to HAVE FAITH, solely because that is what the world most needs and most lacks.

It is easy to be hard. It's easy to be cynical, to be cold. That's the copout, the easy way, the 'default setting' of anybody living in the real world... eventually.

*

When I was 18, I was more cynical, cold and deadly than the average assassin. I hadn't had any strong emotion in years. I was studying martial arts and firearms because I wanted to be sure that if anybody had the folly to beat up on me again, now that I was finally old enough to be free, that they would die for the error. I was borderline sociopathic, maybe a little more than borderline but as I had not 'acted out' any poor behavior (yet), I was still free.

As one of my survival skills, I had many 'layers' of intelligence that I no longer have, that I let go of when I let go of the self-protective stuff that created them. But at the time, I was smart enough to know my problems. I knew how bad off I was, and looked for the only tool that seemed strong enough (and free enough) to help me.

And I healed myself. It took years. It took more self hypnosis and conscious-dreaming meditations than I care to remember. I broke through and was able to have emotions again; I laughed maniacally and cried hysterically back and forth, separated by fits of sleeping deeply, for a week when it happened, and was bubbly inside and prone to tears over anything for a couple of years.

My life, which had been a black hole of memory, came back to me in fragments, assembled in a spider web that conveniently makes me 'feel like' I remember my life up to age 18 when most of it I probably don't.

You are what you make yourself. I have a depth of 'nice' I couldn't even conceptualize then; faith, and hope, and a warmth totally absent from me then. I'm a human because I decide what I will be. Not an amoeba; not stimulus-response only, although that often happens initially; but a conscious decision of what I want to be in this world.

*

Cynicism is the black tarnish that comes on the coin of experience. It cannot be avoided in the intake. One has to deliberately rub it off and refuse to let that cancer of the soul, that killer of hope, take up any residence inside.

I believe there is an ongoing energy best called 'spiritual warfare' that relates to this as well. It is amazing the world's in as good a shape as it is, considering some of the 'awareness' I've had of the darker elements of spirit -- and its evangelistic crusade to sway humanity toward a vibration that is more lucrative for other species.

Emily Saliers of The Indigo Girls has some lyrics in a song I like that relate to this:

i've seen kingdoms blow like ashes in the winds of change
but the power of truth is the fuel for the flame
so the darker the ages get
there's a stronger beacon yet
let it be me
(this is not a fighting song)
let it be me
(not a wrong for a wrong)
let it be me
if the world is night
shine my life like a light

Archangel Michael gave me 'faith', years ago, when I prayed for it regularly. It was a gift without measure. I don't have as much anymore, or I don't pay attention to it as often, that is my own doing. But when I really close my eyes, and center, and ask myself, what do I want to be inside? What is my self-definition? I feel it again.

I have a couple of posts on the dojoblue blog (which is not going to exist much longer I think) that fit here:

Constructing Faith, a blogpost about Archangel Michael, in part; and

Truth, about a dream (with nuns, no less!) and thoughts I was having following it.

In a world of cretins and creeps, thugs and thieves, there are still many beautiful people and things in our world. There are people who do not define themselves based on what is on the outside of their world, but based on what is inside them, instead. They don't let the hard reality of the dark side of humanity pollute their self-definition.

I will not be just a 'reactor'. I refuse to be a "moral casualty" of the side-effects of the nightly news. I will be warm, and love at every opportunity, and generous, and as virtuous as I can manage in the circumstance of my life.

There used to be a saying, 'You are what you eat.'

I think it should be, 'You are how you love.'
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Blood and Ashes

If I were a tree, I'd be able to count my rings, and see clearly the phases where drought or flood or other crises affected me.

I'm starting to feel like that is just as real for humans, we just can't see it nearly as well. And one thing that would be sharply apparent to any botanical-psychic researcher would be the times I stepped away from viewing for a few weeks or more.

The rings would show the severe "pulling back" of a psyche, as if severe drought had set in for awhile. Then it would show the painful, frustrating process of "recovery" over time.

A viewing expert would say with insight, "Ah, yes. When you try to view and nothing comes. When you feel the tensing in your lower stomach as if of fear. When you somehow feel as if such a process ought to be impossible. When you have lost the ability to "dive" and lost the belief-system props, built and maintained every day like the muscle of the psychic body, that "hold the door open" for psi to happen."

It's agony. It's like tearing off a bandaid that is pulling out hair.

And it's all my fault. I got busy, I got distracted, it wasn't convenient, I didn't force it, and now I am starting ALL OVER AGAIN -- as always. As a million times.

And I will progress at unnatural speeds once I start, making more apparent my length of experience, but I will be nearly retarded at it initially, and I will have lost some of my data-type progression that I had improved at most recently. So I'll be mostly incompetent for a month, if I view daily, and then finally my belief system and the daily practice will click in and I'll start changing back to the viewer I used to know.

But it is So. Damned. Hard. When the 'restart' period comes.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I know very well how much my left brain belief systems lean against psi every single day and how important it is that I force that door to stay open with constant viewing.

And yet I keep letting it lapse. Usually just as it's getting way more interesting than it's ever been. And then I have to start all over again. And I'm looking at my lab book waiting for the slightest impression of anything to arrive.

It doesn't help to know I deserve it.
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It's just another day

I haven't seen Nero in awhile. Then again, my sleep schedule's been so bad, my work so mind numbing, and my prayer and meditation so nonexistent, that should not surprise me.

I'm so ticked right now. I did the TKR Mission this week, something I don't often get to do, and the task turned out to be Travis Walton's location when he was abducted.

Now wouldn't you think, given some of my Bewilderness experiences are highly similar to his in some respects, that I would be GREAT at this? I mean, who else should be better at it? But Noooooooo.

First I sat down to do the session and was chronically interrupted by a song, to the degree I had to stop viewing altogether for the day. It is rare that I can't keep my mind quiet and this was ridiculous. The line was from a disney movie no less (how embarrassing) where it goes,

"It means no worries, for the rest of your days! It's our problem-free... philosophy... Hakuna Matata!"

I know. It's just too stupid to believe.

The next two times I tried, I was sure I was awake enough. I was awake plenty all through a brief relaxation. The minute I went to start writing, I passed out abruptly. So much for that.

This morning I was wired, and drank a cold soda, and left the blanket off sitting up on my bed with my computer as I was kinda cold and that helped too, to be SURE I could not fall asleep.

And I couldn't do it! I was totally in denial. I tried. I knew that the denial was me, but I chalked it up to the fact that it's been a little while since I viewed, I took a break, and I figured it was just typical internal resistance to viewing.

It didn't really occur to me that it would be internal resistance to the specific target, since I would not have guessed that I was actually resistant to anyything in that way.

I'm totally fascinated with Walton's account, mostly because I pointedly lived in a cave concerning UFO media -- avoided it like the plague, thought I was just 'more rational' than people who didn't, haha! -- and by the time I actually read an account about him online, I was dumbfounded by the elements my own spontaneous esoteric experiences had in common with some of what he described. Not all, but some.

And so here was my chance. My Big. Grand. Chance. To actually get an inside psychic look at that situation -- I've really done very few esoteric targets to be honest -- and I can't believe it... my session was lousy! (Sessions are in TKR at the dojo, visit http://www.dojopsi.com/tkr/ and click the box that says 'current missions' on the login screen, then when you submit it'll take you right to that area.)

I know I'm a whiner. But I wanted to do well on a target like this. I'm so aggravated!
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Technical Targets

I'm finding, thanks to my tasker in part, that I seem to have more of a 'connect' with high-tech (particularly 'energy'-based) targets than some other kinds. I'm not sure why some viewers are better with some types of targets than others. I'm not a techie (I barely if that qualify even as a programmer; definitely not a high-tech sort). I can't think of any logical reason why this kind of info would come through for me, and yet so often, it has. And it's really fun, and it feels really cool.

I think I'm going to start collecting high tech targets for my tBot pool. I'll have enough tasks in there that the random assign is still doubleblind. It would be interesting to do a whole series, a couple of times, and see if I can explore that more.

Making Space for Probability

I know, I've been away from my blog longer than ever before. I was getting an attitude adjustment, mostly by getting a life. I am feeling a bit better now.

The hard part about not writing for so long is deciding what to talk about when I return. There were several amazing dreams I wanted to share, but the time has passed, and now it seems silly to bore you with them. A couple of spontaneous psi events, but they seem like trivia now. And several great meditations, but now they just seem embarrassing. If I blog on a timely basis I think everything is interesting. If I wait, I feel like my psyche is just a string of beads, with every bead being some trivial event. Like the alien dreams where one is just 'here' and then 'there' with no in-between, life seems more like that in retrospect.

I think I'll just mention one of the dreams, because it repeats a 'theme' that I find really fascinating.

The dream later felt like a story created for me, more than the other types of dreams I have. I was in a multi-story building with many friends whom I don't currently know. We were at war with another group of people, and they had a monster, like a giant who looked bizarre, and we were trying to make the big house a fortress of sorts. A man we knew well came to visit us, and began telling us the most fascinating story. It was so fascinating that we just stood there, enthralled, as he spun it out. And when he was done, he stepped aside and we realized that he was working for the bad guys -- and while we were all distracted, his people had let in the monster. Everybody scrambled in different directions, as it lumbered into the big room where we were.

I started to panic. What can I do?! I thought desperately.

And then I saw Nero. Remember Nero? I see him more often now, in meditations; this is the first time I've ever seen him in a dream. (And I might be inventing that it was him, but I feel more sure all the time that it was.) He was standing calmly in the center of the room, as if he had appeared just to answer my question.

"There is always a doorway out," he said. "Always. You have to look for it while holding yourself in a state of faith -- a suspension of disbelief -- you have to accept that it IS there, in order to create the space for that probability to come through." I tried to do this, imagining that something would fall in front of the monster to slow him down at the same time some opening would come for me, and I told myself to believe it and feel happily-optimistic that "it could happen!" and sure enough, it happened. Later, in a different situation on a high floor with bad guys closing in on me, I found myself in panic again, and Nero appeared and reminded me. He talked me through it, until the situation had a break and I found a way out.

This situation repeated, each time unique, like 100 times in the dream. When I woke up, it felt much like the 'dream school' I wrote about in 1994-5 on CompuServe, except I had no guide help there. But it felt like a sort of training.

I've always felt that reality was the true test. That the ability to find one's way out of reality problems and into positive opportunities was the real measure of how well a person was doing with incorporation that Sethian kind of philosophy into their real life.

Anyway.

LD and I were talking about how forcing something novel into your day is the best way of manifesting stuff, because the 'patterns' we live in are such ruts. If you want some opportunity to arrive, force novelty.

On that note, I've worked 40 years worth of working-hours in the last 20 years of my life. In that time, I've had count them TWO vacations. One for a week, one for two. Well I am taking another vacation! I am heading up to a mountain in Colorado to take a break from my life. I intend to just sit around and read (finish the Wheel of Time series, and the Black Jewels trilogy) and crochet and view and meditate. The things I never have time to do. I have a nice room in a B&B with a wonderful innkeeper I hope will tell me stories of her life while I crochet -- get this, she's spent much of her life as a genuine shipwreck treasure hunter! -- and a bath and electric fireplace in the room... ah, I can hardly wait. I leave the 17th and will be back the 4th, although four days of that is travel time. I am driving to another city to the airport, taking a small plane to a big city, staying in a hotel overnight, and taking a train the next morning, one for 4-5 hours and then a delay of a few more hours and then 24 hours on the next one--I got a 'roomette' for the 24hr part of the to/from journey, so I can lay on a bunk and read. That's right, I just want to lay around and do NOTHING to the extent possible.

And view. I have been off viewing for a little while now, in my avoidance of the entire subject, and I miss it so much, it's like a drug of the spirit calling me home. So I'll be taking several tasks with me. Any of y'all who are experienced viewers (so know tasking) who want to send a target with me, set it up at the offsite tasker's form at TKR (login here and click the middle box for 'offsite tasking' before submit) and make it so it has feedback after 11/20 and email me the link or post it here. I won't look at the link till I've done the session obviously. If you're nice I'll share the session with ya. Preferably something with feedback ok! I have enough esoteria right now.

OK, I'm off. I promise to blog more regularly now!

Red

Burnout

It's been three weeks since I walked away from everything to do with online RV. Aside from a couple posts when a crashed server finally went back up, and private talk with some friends about actual viewing, I've avoided the subject online entirely.

And I'm still burned out. I really feel like the world isn't ready for RV and that includes the majority of the people involved with it online.

So many of the people in this field and their profound lack of ethics, coupled with their armchair fake morally-holier-than-thou routine and constant backend politics, literally make me nauseated. Being forced to even indirectly be involved in the same field makes me feel like a cop who is forced to deal with the total scumbags on the street and feels his optimism about life just slipping away by the day.

There are some really good people in RV. Unfortunately the vast majority of them are lurkers which make them useless to the online field. Those that are here are great, but they are greatly outnumbered by the armchair wannabes and much worse.

I feel like a lot of my efforts over time have been with the assumption that many good deserving people would have something of value. Yet I don't know that this is so. A FEW people -- yes. Not that many. Not enough, to be honest, to make it worth it to me to give up every shred of my precious limited free time. I have had a lot of goals for TKR and I'm not sure I'm going to bother finishing any of them. I've finished a lot of stuff. Maybe not the rest.

I feel like, the people who most respect viewing, and the people who most respect me, would be the first ones to tell me, get offline and do more viewing and have a life PJ. And I really don't care what the rest think.

At the moment I think I may fix some bugs and some minor features in the dojo, and improve a couple 'maintenance' things for the backend. That might be it. I'm not sure that I'll be back, not just to TKR but much of anywhere online besides my personal stuff. I really have reached the point where the BS online, in lists, in my email box, etc. has made me feel like the field just doesn't deserve me. Sure, it sounds stuck up, but that's the way I feel. Some people do, they are great, there just aren't many of them. The subject at large does, it is worthy, it just falls to second place behind the methods and politics and social junk. But on the whole, if this was a relationship, I'd say I deserve better.

I have until November to decide I guess. Not that any decision has to be forever. But I think I may pull most all of my stuff private, make the dojo a private club as I originally planned, spend a lot more of my time viewing than coding, work on my book, and tell the rest of RV to get stuffed.

Works for me, anyway.

Living la vida lowcarb

Well, it was some ungodly hour in the dark morning of the 18th when I stepped on the scale and decided to go back on the low-carb lifestyle, which I never should have ditched to begin with but that's another story.

It's going fine so far. Since I'm dropping carbs and I'm significantly overweight the initial period is pretty easy for the loss. So far it hasn't really been any problem for me. The food is great, if you know what you're doing and know the range and in some cases, have certain ingredients that can vastly improve your food life.

(Edited to add: the guy who used the phrase of this title first is a real success story in changing a life. His blog is here: http://livinlavidalocarb.blogspot.com/)

I just finished reading this exercise book called "slow burn" and I'm going to take up that exercise plan as soon as the eclipse period has fully passed (superstitious, I don't want to start anything during an eclipse, an astrology no-no).

My viewing and meditating have been minimal recently but my dreams have been totally amped into the stratosphere, I don't know what's going on inside but I'm "sitting in on the lives" of many and it's reaaaaaalllly interesting.

I haven't been reading email lists, forums, etc. since about the same time I went back on LC. It's kinda nice to be honest. It eats a lot of my time which is already so profoundly underavailable.

I have more physical energy than I normally do, lately, from dropping a lot of carb-related retained water from my body and the gradual shift into K. That's pretty nice! I'm trying to think of what to do with all my time tomorrow, time I would normally spend online that I'd like to spend actually DOing something.

Quote of the Day

I have studied many philosophers and many cats.
The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.
~ Hippolyte Taine

Quote of the Day

"We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
- Aristotle

Time-Space-Love-Money

I have a relationship with time. Not a good one.

I long ago came to the conclusion that time is space is money is love. I mean in a rather metaphysical, create your own reality way.

They are a measured-quantity. They are critical to how we perceive ourselves, our world, and how well we get along in it. And the four of them are almost never found in abundance at the same point-of-now. It's almost like they are the four cardinal directions of self-allowance, in a Sethian sense.

I've had every one of them individually. Often two. Rarely, three. Never all four for more than ten minutes.

I once theorized that any problem in a person's life was an internal geometry that was interacting with another given area of the person's experience, but that the internal part could manifest in any/every situation for that person. To compare it to psychology, as that might make it clearer, you could say that a person who has a problem with authority (as an example) is going to manifest that in many ways. In career, in parenting, in relationships, in finance, and they will possibly also manifest others who have the same issue around them too. So when the person comments on an 'issue' with their wife, you may understand that the dynamic driving that, is probably also causing them 'issues' in their job, with their taxes, with their social groups, etc. etc.

By this same kind of thinking, I concluded that whatever underlies a person having a serious lack of one of them, was probably about the same as whatever was under some other person having a lack of another of them. In short, that it's like a belief system nutritional deficiency, and the person just chooses what area(s) they are going to suffer the shortage most in.

One of the things I find most interesting, in an armchair psych way, is that each person has a variety of settings for things in their life. Some people have money, but no time. Some have time but no money. Some are crowded in their environments and can't seem to get enough space. Some have space but no money, or space and money but no time. And some have much love in their life but none of the others, or all of the others but no sense of real love.

In some esoteric experiences, I have observed that all of these are subjective. Including space. You may think that six feet never changes, but I can tell you that six feet can be a reach away or a room away and still fit the ruler. Yes, this makes no logical sense to the rational mind, but just like time, space is subjectively experienced, and I've just had the interesting opportunity to see that.

So if time, space, money and love are all subjective, and if our reality of "plenty" or "lack" in them is all rooted in us, why is it such a pain in the butt getting it all straight and abundant? If I can work out an abundance at each one of these things at varying here/now-points, why can't I work out proper quantities for them the rest of the time?

Even as a teen, I felt that time was inexorable. That it kept marching on and I could never, ever get ahead of it. That it was merciless, relentless, the impersonal conveyor belt of life, that you could never step off and that was destined to dump your butt off at the end.

I was spending a few hours a night doing webcoding, doing correspondence. So I dropped out of it for the most part. Aside from an occasional blogpost and my best friend, I've ditched it all. I refuse to read anything from email lists, forums, etc. even if I think I have a little time when I see it.

And I still don't have enough damn time.

Some part of my belief system is obviously involved. I have enough money for what I want most, but not nearly enough for what I need (serious obligations). I have space enough for what I need (my own house, my own room) but not nearly enough for what I want (the environ is so tightly cluttered I feel space-deprived). I have enough love for what I need most; I don't get close to many but those I do have, share something on a soul level. Not to mention a loving little girl. But I don't have enough for what I want; all my best friends, in all forms of relationship, live very far away.

I feel as if my belief system has certain major limits it's imposing on my reality. The most serious one is time.

They say that people who schedule time have more of it. This is hard for me to understand, since when I budget money I always have less of it. (This is my belief, anyway, as when I pay attention I panic and am short in 12 places, but the less I pay attention and accept that things are alright, the more they tend to be.)

I recently started tracking my time and what I do with it. There is work and sleep of course -- never enough sleep. And then there are half a dozen things I want to do every day -- meditate, view, exercise, time with kid, a couple other things. And then there is 'everything else', to include everything that is social, internet, reading, watching, from leisure to obligations to personal research. I find that of my available time, everything is falling into 'everything else'.

Just like with money, it's the same fractal in a different color: I have time, I spend time, I spend time on things I want to do, yet I don't have time for the things I NEED to do, like sleeping, viewing, etc. I am tempted to think that if I inquired deeply enough into my issues of space and love I would find the same pattern, replicated, manifesting within the context of the subject.

My friend says there's an eclipse coming up and nothing new should be initiated from the 22nd-24th as a result as such things seldom turn out like planned. I have no personal hard data on this but astrology's a decent tool in the right (very rare) hands so I'll take that at face value. Tomorrow I have to start a schedule or an exercise plan, or wait till next week for the grand beginning. Both tie into my FAVorite issue, of course: time.

I would meditate on this problem, but I can't find the time.