Martial Arts... or not

The Changing Role of A Student, part 5

After a few years as I got older and life moved on, I dropped my active pursuit of self-hypnosis and the overall study, but only into stasis, while I focused on life itself and other things.

I kept trying to pursue martial arts as my next obsession, but it wasn't working out for me. I had a sensei I was extremely fond of, for an unnaturally short time, named Larry Reynosa; he taught Aikido in a gorgeous wooden dojo he built, with garden, in his suburban backyard in Ventura county. Every time I would determine to make the time and commit to it, I would get promoted at work yet again, or some Major Crisis would occur at work, and I would end up working literally day and night.

I refused to get 'into' the art without being able to genuinely 'do it right', so it kept being something I put off, and put off. I felt such angst about it, as I really respected Reynosa and wanted to get serious, but I guess life is a matter of priorities, and work was always more a priority for me than anything else.

When I moved to Los Angeles, I petitioned to join a dojo I'd been hoping to, in Redondo Beach. There was a sensei named Philip Skornia (for Zen do Ryu Karate) who had quite a reputation and I was delighted to get in. Not long later, sensei gave me some tickets to a talk a guy he knew was giving. It was nearby and I went out of curiosity.

I can't remember his name, but it turns out this guy had been the personal trainer for a paraplegic -- who completed the triathalon. He gave a talk on what you might call mind stuff. He touched on hypnosis, and I was fascinated, since all my studies had been limited to books and self-hypnosis; as a teen, nobody I knew was interested, and so he was the first adult I'd met who seemed knowledgeable and took it seriously.

I talked with him after the lecture and to my astonishment, discovered that there were actual schools, we're talking long-term formal night schools (vo-tech schools, they call them where I live now). I think my eyes were big as saucers at the idea of actually 'formally' learning about it and meeting other people into the subject.

I investigated all the schools I could find, and went and talked to them, and decided on one that, as irony would have it of course, was about the farthest from me it could be and still be humanly possible to attend. Between work, school, and karate, I was spending 4.5+ hours a day, mostly on the 405 in L.A., which is enough to make anybody stark raving mad (explains a lot I suppose).

It wasn't long before I had to make a choice: do the classes for my school, or do the dojo. I was really torn up about it because I'd been trying for years to have enough time for martial arts, and I was honored to study at the dojo I'd found, but it had always been something -- always, until then, work. This was the first time something besides work had been in competition for my time, and I couldn't believe I would consider for even a moment, doing anything else.

But my primary drive since age 18 had been to explore and fix myself -- a really bizarre and lousy childhood had done a number on me -- and self-hypnosis was my primary method of choice, since I couldn't afford the time or money for anything else. I felt the time to continue dealing with my internal issues was as soon as possible; MA could technically be done at any time. So I resigned from the dojo and immersed myself in school.

In the end, after all that drooling over the honor of the sensei, I hardly saw the man but in passing and a few conversations. Tragic! Ah well.

next up: part 6

Graphoanalysis and Graphotherapeutics

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You are feeling very sleepy

The Changing Role of A Student, part 4

Prior to developing my amazing skill at putting people to sleep with type (...), I got really into it in a different way: Hypnosis.

I was fascinated with the mind (and read all of J.B. Rhine's work as my library had quite a bit, but had no real opinion on parapsychology at the time). I read everything I could get my hands on, a surprising amount of which I got by a near stalking of secondhand bookstores and thriftstores. I borrowed every book in the state library system on the topic.

My imagination worked overtime. Why the hell had they gotten so far up to the 30's and then just... just... stopped? For the most part? How could that make sense?

A decade later, I went back to collect all the books I could find for my library, only to find they had disappeared. Literally. Aside from a variety of cheesy simplistic paperbacks, nearly every book had simply vanished. I couldn't understand it. Where did they go? Were they taken out of circulation in libraries, bought up in book searches, on purpose? Or was it only coincidence?

I considered this a mystery that was probably my imagination until I read Ingo Swann commenting on the same thing (decades later). It's funny what the world can know so well, and so publicly, and that can simply... gradually but consistently vanish from the public eye.

People don't know. They don't realize how easy it is for that to happen. How it can happen with Remote Viewing, and given the combination of disinformation and marketing misdirection about it so far, will, if it isn't fought for, if something doesn't far better establish it in a way that can't be media'd over, academically ignored and socially buried.

next up: part 5

Martial Arts... or not

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Aldous Huxley's "Perennial Philosophy"

The Changing Role of A Student, part 3

My studies on Judaism, German, Nazi Germany, Israel etc. gradually led into a study on theology across the board. It became another obsession.

It spanned everything. Hare Krishna midnight masses to Buddhist temples, from Mary Baker Eddy's Christian Science, months of studying with the Mormon "elders" (which would have been a shorter study, had I not seriously wanted to bed one of them, heh!), studies with the Jehovah Witnesses, with every imaginable Christian denomination, and a book-study on things that weren't easily available to me at the time (Hindu, Paganism, Islam, etc.).

I was a fairly intense Christian as a young teen, something I pursued on my own (not really via family). But by the time I was reaching adulthood, I had realized (the hard way) that most of my "intuitive beliefs" were not only in disagreement with my church but actual heresy, something that was pretty traumatic to all involved as I recall. I'd been the poster child for jesus, bringing friends and memorizing entire psalms and singing solos on sunday. What a sweet girl! Too bad we had to burn her at the stake.

Sigh.

I miss not being able to keep up my side of the debate with the JW's and Mormons at the door. Better yet, invite them in and let them debate each other. Damn. That's worth any amount of free lemonade and cookies for 'em, let me tell you. At one point I was a walking encyclopedia on so much theology I felt like my head was full. I read all the theology texbooks I got from a friend who majored in it in college, as well, so I was somewhat better educated than the average layman.

Oddly -- or not -- I found the more I studied it, the more wearying it was. At the end of the day, I just wanted to fall on my knees and tell God he was glorious and thank you for my life. All the other stuff... was just other stuff. Somehow I got less and less interested in religion, instead of moreso.

But, fortunately... more interested in a personal relationship with what I consider the divine. I call it God. Sometimes other things. The details aren't really important to me. I think human beings operate with a primary spiritual 'technology', for lack of a better word, that is 'personal relationship'. I think personalizing religious constructs is important and helpful.

This was followed and overlapped with a major personal study on cults, cultism, cult psychology, and all things of that ilk. Actually you can't help but run into that topic when you are studying religions, for obvious reasons, especially with the smaller ones. I found it all pretty fascinating, and I think in a different probability I probably ended up studying Sociology to a much greater degree.

Cult psychology as it turns out, tied right into later interests in hypnosis (the modalities have many things in common), so it was a good lead-in.

next up: part 4

You are feeling very sleepy

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Nazi Germany Flashbacks

The Changing Role of A Student, part 2

My rather obsessive 'personal studying' began in high school. It actually first began when I encountered the topic of Nazi Germany in a history class and kind of flipped out about it.

I hunted, and haunted, the subject. I found old German books in the back of the school library, from the days eons prior when it had been taught there, and sat trying to teach myself in my spare time. ("Guten Morgen, Herr ___!" "Anna ist krank." There you go, the entire remnants of my German self-education.) I read endless autobiographies from people who had been there. Went to a Jewish temple in my spare time. (They thought I was an odd little goya. Unlike the Christian churches I'd grown up in, they had zero feeling of being compelled to 'help' me get 'into' the study of their religion, haha.)

Had a so-called past-life memory of having 'been there' -- in that era, in a camp -- that came first, and seems to be what sponsored all that obsession at least in part. I seriously considered going to Israel to train with their Army for awhile. I mean... I was really pretty nuts. I cured of myself of that, fortunately.

When I look back at my life, I always "loved learning" -- even in school, I always felt that everything that was learning was good, I was one of those weird kids that read dictionaries, encyclopedias, the fine print on bank statements and commercial products -- everything. I wanted to learn about everything possible, as fast as possible. I used to openly consider myself a "sponge" for information. It's a survival skill, of course.

But it was the study of the pre-to-post WWII era in history class that really seemed to kick off a degree of intensity that went beyond my normal "driven" personality and became an entire "layman self-education process".

next up: part 3

Aldous Huxley's "Perennial Philosophy"

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Teachers, Students, and How I Met RV

The Changing Role of A Student, part 1

Anybody who is a serious practitioner of a thing is "an eternal student of the Art."

The best teachers are forever students. That's a martial arts basic that carries well into RV.

But the role of a student changes. Once the role of 'student' is understood to be a lifetime path, the many changes along that path, and even the responsibilities of a student at different areas of the path, become more obvious. The world ceases to be the childishly simplistic "teacher vs. student" and becomes a "gradient" of individualized effort, mentor dynamics, larger group dynamics such as the team or fellow students, etc.

o0o

I believe that the terms 'teacher' and 'student' are in some ways very limiting as words, because they imply a fixed and one way relationship. Worse, they don't build in evolution aside from the on/off of it, which is just unnatural. It's one more way that the words we use help constrain the reality we experience.

I think it is more practical to consider the word and role of 'student' in the way we would the word 'child'. That is: that obviously, one is going to grow out of that phase, into another, more mature phase. And then will grow yet more. And then more. Continuing onward, until eventually the child is an adult, possibly with children of their own.

The child is still a child to the parents, and those of the parents' generation. In some respects they will always be perceived as a child. But eventually they may be older, and/or more mature, than their own parents were when they first became parents.

They are autonomous with their own ideas, and usually past the age of 17 or so, most children then spend the next 17 de-educating themselves from all the BS that culture, parents, school, church, media, and others inflicted on them. (Well, I did, anyway.)

So it isn't really that one is forever-only child or adult; it is more a "gradient percentage" of how much childhood, or how much adulthood, is present in the individual. And since people are unique, even aside from the body's age, there will always be varying levels of maturity in each person.

What is expected of someone, and what they are capable of, and even what they are driven naturally to want and to pursue, will depend on where they are in the process.

It is a summary not just of children, but of students. Of anything. Including RV.

o0o

Should a student begin from 'scratch' as we will call it, and find themselves a teacher they consider to be a positive chance for instruction and guidance, the role of the student is to learn all they can within that framework.

Granted, the teacher may be a complete psychopath as is sometimes the case, but even crazy people are right sometimes. Frankly even the worst people personally can be qualified in other areas. This is also something just as applicable to the martial arts field as to RV. Although somewhat less... flamboyantly. Well, usually. Martial Arts can be a pretty weird world too frankly. ;-)

When I began in RV in late '95, I was a sponge. No, I was like a sponge on steroids. No, make that, I was a sponge on steroids on compulsive manic investigative obsession. I don't do much halfway, and when it came to RV, it appeared at a time in my life when I was probably about to crack. I needed it in a worse way than most people.

I had first spent years as a medical-model near-scoffer. My introduction to 'new age' stuff was dominantly through my study of hypnosis and NLP. I would hang out at psychic fairs considering all the visitors and booth attendants fair game, in a rather blackly funny way. Let's just not go there. I'm a better person now. Anyway, that was followed by years of having wildly, intensely psychic (and bizarre esoteric) experiences, which would surely have put me in a straightjacket were it not for the books of Jane Roberts and Seth, who -- thank God -- gave me a sane 'framework' to put my experiences into. (See Bewilderness.)

The whole model of RV was something that allowed yet controlled that wild side. Something that aimed for a logical model of an inherently a-logical process. It wasn't just a great idea to me. It was my savior, my sanity, my opportunity to put together the pieces of myself that going from one near-extreme to another severe-extreme had caused in me. I think it was probably akin to a life-rope that arrives just as you are going under for the last time.

RV wasn't something I studied for awhile and decided I wanted to know more about. I heard about it, and that was just it. It took about 0.7 seconds to decide that was it. That was my study. That was my path. It was right and I knew it. From then on, it was just a matter of the pursuit.

next up: part 2

Nazi Germany Flashbacks

(The Firedocs RV blog refused this entry. Literally. It will post anything but not this one. One of the great mysteries of the universe. That's why it's here.)

Organizing Spirit

They say that Consciousness Is An Organizing Principle. Well I say that, or did in Bewilderness. Of course, Dr. Dean Radin said it in his book 'The Conscious Universe' too, but I suspect it means more coming from a scientist with data on it than someone talking about their weird experiences. Either way, the point is worth making: intent seems to 'organize' anything it's applied to.

Nearly 20 years ago, when I had 20 years less of stress and sleep deprivation and was much closer to human than whatever I am now, I chanced on the formal workings of archetype meditations. I first encountered this as 'self-willed shamanic journeys', then 'jungian archetype work' and then thanks to Edwin Steinbrecher's excellent work 'The Inner Guide Meditation', as simply 'archetype meditations' or 'archmeds' as I call them. There are other formats for similar work -- not identical but with much in common -- called Conscious Dreaming, Active Imagination, and things like that.

This should not be confused with visualization. It involves visualization as a tool -- much moreso when you are beginning and establishing it -- but that is not its scope. Once one learns how to do this, it is no more "deliberately imagined" than remote viewing is. (Which is to say it could be subconsciously but is not done so consciously at least.)

Doing these meditations well is a skill, no different than karate or remote viewing. There is a certain state of active-allowing, combined with a state of not-creating, combined with a state of alertness so one is interacting from the first person. Somewhat like RV it comprises a sort of "border territory" of brain-mind that has a percentage in two (or more) quite different areas, held simultaneously and interactively.

The more altered the state of mind, the more autonomous these tend to be. The better practiced or skilled the individual, the more autonomous these tend to be. The more often they are done with certain consistent framework elements (such as the 'inner space' one uses), the more autonomous these tend to be. Combine those three factors and you get a fully autonomous inner landscape and infinite cast of characters that can shock the heck outta you, surprise the snot out of you, terrify you, enlighten you, fascinate you, and in general make radical changes inside you... that can also reflect 'outside' you in major reality-changing ways.

The archmeds can lead to tantric workings, solo or not, and can lead off on another path to what I call 'reality meds', basically a somewhat ineffable ability to creatively interact with your reality of the moment using whatever creative inner elements work. For me that is geometries. No idea why. Sometimes it does involve elements I half-got spontaneously and half-visualized to fill in, like a big white lab where I get a holographic projection of some part of my inner body I can work on, microscopic areas blown up into rather disgusting looking projects I have to repair. Or like a central command center that has a couple different core machines that I can ask to plug a new idea or decision into and which sends it out through the nervous system in gold light to my entire body. But usually it's just geometries.

Archmeds -- and reality meds -- aren't a matter of visualization and faith. When they work, they are a matter of interaction as novel to you as having it with another person would be (sometimes moreso). When they work, you get feelings in your body including 'rushes' of various kinds when you merge with an arch or resolve something or implement something. There is no doubt physically that you are doing 'something'. Sometimes you can get energy so powerful it's nearly a kundalini experience. Sometimes it'll hit you so hard your body instantly starts stretching and you feel as if there is energy coursing through every nerve ending, your entire nervous system. Who cares whether this is only you or also guides or whatever explanatory label someone wants to put on it. They're amazing.

o0o

Long ago, I made spreadsheet lists of the meditations I needed to do. I covered the basics: the local planets as archetypes; several tarot symbols as archetypes; my mother, father, boss, car, money, lack of money, and then an endless list of "issues" that I felt I probably needed to address.

I got about halfway through the list, and that was the short list, when the avoidance kicked in. My psyche realized that change = death and decided the best way to avoid the radical changes I was constantly imposing was simply to be sure I "didn't get around to" meditating.

Kinda like... not getting around to viewing.

I was organized then. I had a plan. Always had a plan. Should a moment arrive when I did not have a plan, I would be frantically making one.

Having a kid seemed to obliterate past plans and eventually showed me that making much of any plan besides "I will be a slave to the needs of others" for the next 20 years was probably just a waste of time. I quit making plans.

Today I realized that my normal organization principle looks like it got wadded up and stuffed in the back of the sock drawer. My spiritual evolution feels like it is about as stalled as my 1986 Ford F-150 that has been sitting motionless in a parking spot across the street for like a year now. Evolution. Snort. What evolution? I dream of being a light being but for now, I'm a tree sloth.

I credit this dismal state of things mostly to not being organized.

(Right. Leave it to a Virgo to come up with a reason why the primary answer to personal spiritual evolution must involve making lists and categorizing things.)

I'm having a hard time making myself meditate on stuff I need to. Hell, I even have a hard time viewing, though now I'm required to do it daily for a project I'm in. It seems like something always comes up, time is so limited, and when I do have a little block ("oh look! 42 minutes of freedom!") well you know, I don't necessarily always feel like meditating or viewing at exactly that second, sheesh.

But miss the small windows of opportunity my schedule gives me and the chance may be past.

But who am I kidding. I can make a few minutes. 5. 10. 20. even 30. If and when I need to. If it was really important to me.

I think I need to make another list. Of archmeds. As well as including at least one session a day preferably more. And just commit to it. And just assume that no matter what is in my life, no matter how work is crazy making and overbusy, no matter how the kid has mommy-time nightly but always wants more, no matter that I do need to sleep... I think, if I set out a list of goals, and there was something due daily, and I committed to making it happen, that my meditations -- and hence, personal development -- might actually happen.

So I am organizing my spiritual work... as I feel possessed by an organizing spirit. I am going back to the more consciously aware, deliberately planning, constructionist I used to be, before just getting through the average day without incident, and getting more than 3 hours of sleep, was considered an accomplishment of its own.

This week I am dedicating to time. My first meditations are going to be on "time"... and my seeming lack of it. I figure it's about... time that I put a little more proactive effort into myself.

My Psiche

I created a separate blog to talk about the archmeds I do on targets prior to remote viewing sessions.

http://mypsiche.blogspot.com

Holding Your Energy

I think there's some kind of unofficial rule that bloggers are not supposed to be antisocial. It's kind of contrary to the name of the game, after all. Blogging is a gradual process of revealing more about yourself to innumerable others, many complete strangers, than you probably do to immediate family most the time. This is difficult to do well if all you really feel like doing is lurking in a dark corner silently. On the one hand, nearly all my friends are psychic -- but, well, not THAT psychic.

So while lurking I missed a few things I should mention here I suppose. Hmmmn, in no particular order at all....

Thank you Kristen for the lovely earrings. Your stuff is always so beautiful. I hope you did well selling your 'Penetration' book and that CRV training is fun for you.

Thank you Bill for all the awesome MP3 music. I love what I've listened to so far! A whole lot. We do seem to share taste in music for sure. I can just lose myself.

Thank you Ed for the beautiful hematite pendants etc. I love them and wear one of them almost all the time. I think you really have a gift with this stuff.

Thank you Skye for the awesome RV collection. You guys wouldn't believe this, she's like the RV librarian. Thanks to her and my obsessive web-archiving for years, I'm going to have a mind blowing collection of nearly everything ever done in RV or RV media ever. Of course copyright means I can't make it public. But if ya need something specific and you ask nicely... :-)

Thanks Michele for the variety of groovy stuff, and I'm glad Ry waited on the sunflower seeds for planting, since we had the freeze! Send me a pic for your blog if you want to see one online this century. Landscape format decent quality minimum dimensions 1200 px high and 1800 px wide (or larger). I sent you email but am grinning thinking you're more likely to see it here.

Wait. There were like six other people I was supposed to thank for stuff and I can't remember now. I had it like 5 minutes ago when I logged in. Sigh. Sleep deprivation is just not good. You know, if I'm going to be this brain dead, couldn't I do it by taking some kind of drug that would at least make me thinner, too?

Moving on.

My house is way better since one of its occupants left. My health, state of mind and general joy in living -- and my kids' -- is better as well. All good things.

My lasik 1-year checkup came. My vision is imperfect; the right eye is more like 20/40 or 45. Together the eyes still pull off 20/25. But I'm 41 now and the lasik actually made my up-close vision worse than it was -- not a bad thing you understand, I'm at the age where that happens around now anyway -- so the doc suggests simple +1 reading glasses you can get anywhere. I think I need them because long hours on the computer are really killing me with eye-strain. The thing about LASIK is it's nearly impossible to keep your eyes anywhere near hydrated properly, especially if you have indoor climate control. My vision at night is much worse than the day; for example driving down the road I can see a certain sign at a distance fine during the day, but at night it would be blurred, because all lights halo quite a bit. Not to the degree that I'm night-blind or anything, but driving at night in a busy city like Joplin is something I'm not fond of doing.

Meanwhile my 10 year old daughter had an eye checkup. She can't see the blackboard at school. She definitely needs glasses. Probably because reading and computer are nearly her only two occupations aside from gojo ryu karate -- in which she just got her jr. purple belt by the way. In pity over the social-fashion result of glasses, as she is a raving Leo in every sense, I let her choose whatever glasses she wanted. She chose these very neat looking Calvin Klein dark-wine wire frame small glasses, slightly tilted in that cat effect. I have to go back Friday when I get paid and give them the other half... 'cause her exam + glasses cost me like $350. For godssakes. So next time someone asks me, "Do you have a price limit?" on something I will be intelligent enough to say, "What is the range here?" rather than thinking, How bad can it be? hahaha!

I decided not to garden this year, except for about half a dozen plants and the grapevines and the landscaping (which includes thornless blackberries). After weeks of hard subfreezing, the weather warmed up, spring sprung, it got totally glorious, it rained, the grass and the flowers and the grapevines grew insanely fast, it was looking so lovely.

Then it dropped to subfreezing instantly, like 20 F at night and freezing at day, for a few days. Then the next two days went back up to like 86 F and was hot. Then dropped to nearly-freezing at night and chilly-rainy during the day. Today was very warm, but looking to burst into a spring storm any minute now. Meanwhile my beautiful, flowering, growing like crazy young grapevines are now brown, withered and looking totally dead. I'm so irked. I hope they recover!! All my seedlings are dead as rocks as well. The vines were only planted last year and it takes them 2-3 years to get to the point where they are decently producing. I was just about to take a picture and send to my ex, who did the work to plant them and build their trellising, when it froze. Bummer.

The one thing that IS alive is my Aerogarden, a rather pricey tiny countertop garden. They offer strawberries now!! They've been selling cherry tomatoes, hot peppers, various herbs and stuff for quite some time. It is hydroponics with cool grow lights in a totally self-contained automatic system, super easy, pretty neat so far. We'll see. It's in my kitchen growing hot peppers as we speak. If I were rich I would have a few of them. I'm saving up to buy my stepmom and dad one each for christmas so they can have salads (stepmom) and strawberries (dad) over the winter. Now I'm an organic gardener, so ultra-hybrid seeds in artificial planting medium is seriously out of the norm for something I'd be into, but this is so adorable. I'd been looking at grow-light-shelf setups and they were stupidly pricey. Hot peppers are a primary food group for me and I miss them terribly when a garden isn't around... this seemed worth a try.

I mentioned some time ago that I had reverted to lowcarb eating again. I'm pretty well off the wagon of that right now. My food tends to vary depending on how I feel. Lately I'm working to at least be only half-bad. Like tonight we took a ton of crockpotted chicken breasts, chopped 'em up, and dropped 'em in a big pot with baby carrots, frozen peas and corn, cream of chicken and cream of mushroom soups (canned), and a tiny bit of pasta, for a thick stew that was actually really good. Except kinda salty from those soups. And enough carbs to ... well never mind. Anyway that hardly qualifies as real food outside the chicken, mostly starch, but at least we got some protein in. Aside from mega sandwiches, slimfast high protein drinks, and 101 ways to "occasionally" eat a giant crockpot full of pork, chicken or beef, I haven't really been focusing on my food much. Which is a real shame. You get what you focus on -- me especially for some reason, perhaps because I'm so intense by nature.

I'm getting a lot more exercise than I used to even in daily life, since mowing the lawns, weed-trimming the property, more shopping and trash than I used to have to do etc. is helping. Still too much computer time sitting on my butt though! I'm hoping this weekend to build my neat little simple slant-desk as I want to do more dowsing, plus be less prone to fall asleep while viewing, and I think using that might help with both.

My spiritual life is apparently off on some island vacationing without me.

Funny. So is my love life. Somewhat literally.

Well I have another session to do for my tasker today and one to do for the Radical RV group that is due this weekend and a ton of practice backed up and some ARV and I'd better quit yapping and get to some of it. I won't be around online much -- I hope -- the next month or so as I'm going to try and get more immersed in viewing.

I have one session done on a task at the moment in which, this is novel, every single AOL is something that makes noise -- music or some kind of beep-ding-ring sound. I have no idea what the target is but at the moment I am betting on something that makes noise. Either that or AOL Drive has got me firmly in its clutches. ;-)

Oh yeah, news tidbits, lemme see.

New videos on the video page at LFR/CSL.

New blogs at seriouskilowatt.com (you gotta view that one through firefox - way cool transparencies IE isn't yet capable of showing) if you're into RV and Lucid Dreaming, and madmojoe.com from our favorite auto mechanic martial artist voodoo hack turned tarot fiend and remote viewer, and don't forget the cool target collection at thesnoopster.com, I stuck 'em all in my Taskerbot grabbag but have yet to chance on one.

Oh yeah and now TKR has an Associative Remote Viewing board just for that topic and Marv is running a weekly ARV trial that is kinda cool for anyone who wants to play. Just post a session in the solo studio and send him the link (they are private, only he sees them) and he'll send back a grid with results and outcome predicted for anybody who wants to put money on it.

Which reminds me the Dojo Psi would have an RV chatroom already except I didn't have the $400 it requires. With my next paycheck I think I can get the simple module. Then in another 2-4 weeks I could get the moderated chat module. I'm hoping to have it online within another 10-14 days. Joe McMoneagle already said he'd do a chat interview so people could ask questions live, once I got around to it. I'm just the slowest human alive at accomplishing anything some days.

I was thinking today that a recent session I did on red blood cells, which was very cool experientially, brought home how really everything in the universe can be perceived through nearly any framework. I had it as some kind of technology so beautifully elegant and simple that it almost wasn't technology and it was so graceful and yet it clearly did have a sort of organized planned dynamic sequential working in concert feel that technology does for me. Well you can objectify people into something that could be an object or tree, too. The nature of a target during session is only what you make it; we are subjective about the universe, and that is why the humanity or body of a target's context, like red blood cells, might seem more relevant to us than the incredible graceful natural technology of it. I am going to add to my Aspect RV protocol (the one I've been working on off and on for like six years now) a process for perceiving through a 'conceptual framework' as well as through identities, jobs, skills, perspectives, etc. Might be interesting.

OK I really am going now. I hope y'all are doing well.

How Not to Remote View

I'm just a griping fool today.

Sometimes the degree of my obligations compared to my time, energy, or ability to meet them, is so ludicrous it's like some kind of cosmic joke. The song of my life is a real Amy Lee number: not just words and lyrics for me, no sir. More like an angst-ridden rock opera Dolby soundtrack for the life of a drama queen.

I just want to view. My work is more than full time. My kid takes a vast percentage of my available time; even just a long shower is a big treat for me. That's more than I get most days. And what time is left per week, well, attempting to do something constructive (like improveing TKR's free viewer tools) more than sucks it down and needs more. Never mind other family, or a life of any kind, let alone 'time for me'.

But the real bitch is that all I want to do is view.

Everything in my life feels like one more obstacle in the way of me having sufficient time to view. Cyclically I get up the determination to tell the world to stuff it and focus on me, but it always passes far too soon, and I'm enmeshed and embroiled in other stuff. Mostly the fulltime work, single mom theme. When not that, then the do- something- constructive- for- RV- online- theme. I wonder when my Theme Song Guy is going to write one that is actually for me.

Meanwhile, I improved three things in TKR last week, which (here's a shocker, not) means I half-broke one of them, and completely screwed up something unrelated by accident while I was at it. There's a reason programmers work in teams with alpha testing, beta testing, etc. -- as opposed to one sleep deprived person coding fast as they can on a weekend or at 3am and then putting it online right after since well, the locals have to be the guinea pig beta testers, there isn't anybody else for the job.

Right now I am so sleepy I can't sleep. I swear. I'm literally over-tired. My eyes are sore and squinty and I think I see more hairs turning grey by the day. I want to curl up but I promised the kid some mommy time tonight, so we'll be watching some kind of amazon unbox. We watched the Veronica Mars third season recently. I guess today we might watch some of the sci-fi. I should be working on fixing TKR but I'm so exhausted I don't think my brain is up to it anyway.

Oh yeah, if I could quite whining for a minute, I could mention that Joe McMoneagle and Joseph Chilton Pearce will be speaking on March 23rd at a conference dinner held by the Rhine Research Center in South Carolina. See his blog.

Meanwhile I am seriously deprived of best-friend time as well which is a bummer, since a lot of my sanity is based on good people who help balance me, since I apparently have none of the quantity of my own. And I owe so many people a variety of things like websites, book reviews, things I need to mail, I'm starting to feel like I should really review my budget, figure out where I can scrimp insanely, and try to come up with enough money to do a few hours a couple times a week of some local college girl helper. When I moved here 7 years ago, for the first couple years I had a 15-30 hr/wk personal assistant. There is probably something inherently snotty about me that I think I feel perfectly justified in having servants.

Since I don't have time to write more than one out of like 50 people I owe email to I decided to just write one thing on my blog. I figure my friends will read it and thank god I am not talking to them. Mission accomplished.

As soon as I get some SLEEP, assuming a decent portion of that happens soon, I'll be viewing again. Though lately I seem much more of an expert on how not to get around to it. Zzzzzzzzzz.

Midas

I had a great meditation this morning. Too tired to view or meditate last night, I woke up early this morning for it instead. I was merging all over the place, and getting so much energy that right after each one I'd have to yawn and stretch immediately. I did an archmed with a conglomerate, part of which was based on the thing in my previous post.

I was having a problem, in that I was still a bit sleepy, and now and then would slide off into a half-day/half-real dream. Then I'd bring myself back to what I was doing and focus on dissolving and releasing some of the negative elements in the daydreams. It happened again after I'd merged as The Four, and then it happened again after I'd merged as The Coalition, and I had this strong sense that the only thing worse than negative daydreaming in general, was negative daydreaming during a major energetic merge experience with a larger part of your self.

At the same time I was realizing this with their help, came the voice of one of them saying, With power comes responsibility. I understood, and I managed to keep my act together through the remainder of all the meditative work. I thought it humorous because LD and I were just talking about that concept yesterday.

Just as I was finishing up the last of it -- which was no longer in the tower with the Coalition but way over and into the other world where I meet my Inner Guide and archetypes -- I had this sort of insight. Funny enough, I've been told this and shown this plainly more than once, by IG, by the Narrator, etc. It's something like this:

Your power to create your reality is vast. But, your reality follows your focus. So, if you do not have the discipline to keep your focus clean and positive, that inherent power will be throttled down by many aspects of yourself, for your own protection.

The power to change your reality to bring the things you want, includes the power to change your reality to bring the things you don't want. The cleaner your focus gets, the safer it becomes for the power available to you, to flow through you and follow your focus.

So to increase the intensity of your inherent, automatic power to create your reality, clean up your focus. Watch your thoughts. Curtail, dissolve and release negative daydreams. Turn off the auto-pilot and work to be as 'aware' of the Self as possible.

Pay attention to the words that leave you: evaluate them to make sure they are completely true. Sarcasm, joking, flippancy, often cause untruths that we do not consider lies, but they weigh against the clarity of the overall focus.

Your reality follows your focus: life is biofeedback. Your power to effect change in that reality -- real "magic" -- will be in direct proportion to how much or little your larger self feels it must protect you from yourself.

I suppose the lesson recurs because I'm not getting it, haha.

So like Midas, who wanted everything he touched to turn to gold, but then had reason to grieve for that when his food and his daughter were transformed, we deal with a similar issue in our daily existence. We want every focus we touch to spring to reality, all our wishes and dreams and creative aspirations. But as long as our 'awareness' is not in control of our focus keeping it clean and positive and allowing, we risk springing some very dark and tragic elements into our reality.

I learned this, back in '94. I actually accomplished this, temporarily alas. The amount of incredibly hard work it took in terms of really being as "aware" every moment as was possible, was kind of amazing. It really does take effort, and a lot of it, to be aware, and to responsibly deal with what we find in ourselves. Later, after marrying and my life changed radically, I changed my focus. The Narrator showed me back then, what I had done, and that I had done it for self protection.

I merged with Nero while I was there by the way. I didn't mean to. I just threw my arms around him and hugged him and it started happening, so I accepted that and participated and it was really intense. Very cool.
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Awareness

A friend of mine into RV, Shamanic meditations and Lucid Dreaming, was having this very cool med the other day when an archetype told him, to increase his "awareness":

Contact the part of you which is all of you which is not afraid.

I thought that was a great line. I think I'm going to try my own archetype meditation with that used as a 'query string' or 'tasking'.
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Independence Day

Today is my official independence day: my husband, as of late last night, is out of the country, and permanently out of my life aside from visits-to-kid. Thanks be to God.

I feel like I have lost a ton of weight from some unspecified part of my body, as if we hold some 'astral' sense of weight with things that 'weigh us down'. I could look at this as losing 195 lbs overnight. I feel great!

It'll take me at least a month just to clean up the unbelievable amount of STUFF he over-occupied the main room (and largest bedroom) with, but I'll do it.

And after two months of ice and snow, and 8 cats stuck in the house all the time, I decided to get tough about them at the same time. He went to the airport and they got thrown out to live in the garage. It has a couple HAC vents out there, food, water, litterboxes, and a cat-door in the window so they are free to go in/outdoors. I let the little fragile one with no body fat stay inside, but when it warms up, she can go out too.

Already the house FEELS significantly different.

I'm so happy.

I sang, "Hit the ROAD, Jack! And don'tcha come back! No more, no more, no more, no more!" all the way home from the airport.

I think I'll go clean something.