Monday, February 26, 2007


I had a great meditation this morning. Too tired to view or meditate last night, I woke up early this morning for it instead. I was merging all over the place, and getting so much energy that right after each one I'd have to yawn and stretch immediately. I did an archmed with a conglomerate, part of which was based on the thing in my previous post.

I was having a problem, in that I was still a bit sleepy, and now and then would slide off into a half-day/half-real dream. Then I'd bring myself back to what I was doing and focus on dissolving and releasing some of the negative elements in the daydreams. It happened again after I'd merged as The Four, and then it happened again after I'd merged as The Coalition, and I had this strong sense that the only thing worse than negative daydreaming in general, was negative daydreaming during a major energetic merge experience with a larger part of your self.

At the same time I was realizing this with their help, came the voice of one of them saying, With power comes responsibility. I understood, and I managed to keep my act together through the remainder of all the meditative work. I thought it humorous because LD and I were just talking about that concept yesterday.

Just as I was finishing up the last of it -- which was no longer in the tower with the Coalition but way over and into the other world where I meet my Inner Guide and archetypes -- I had this sort of insight. Funny enough, I've been told this and shown this plainly more than once, by IG, by the Narrator, etc. It's something like this:

Your power to create your reality is vast. But, your reality follows your focus. So, if you do not have the discipline to keep your focus clean and positive, that inherent power will be throttled down by many aspects of yourself, for your own protection.

The power to change your reality to bring the things you want, includes the power to change your reality to bring the things you don't want. The cleaner your focus gets, the safer it becomes for the power available to you, to flow through you and follow your focus.

So to increase the intensity of your inherent, automatic power to create your reality, clean up your focus. Watch your thoughts. Curtail, dissolve and release negative daydreams. Turn off the auto-pilot and work to be as 'aware' of the Self as possible.

Pay attention to the words that leave you: evaluate them to make sure they are completely true. Sarcasm, joking, flippancy, often cause untruths that we do not consider lies, but they weigh against the clarity of the overall focus.

Your reality follows your focus: life is biofeedback. Your power to effect change in that reality -- real "magic" -- will be in direct proportion to how much or little your larger self feels it must protect you from yourself.

I suppose the lesson recurs because I'm not getting it, haha.

So like Midas, who wanted everything he touched to turn to gold, but then had reason to grieve for that when his food and his daughter were transformed, we deal with a similar issue in our daily existence. We want every focus we touch to spring to reality, all our wishes and dreams and creative aspirations. But as long as our 'awareness' is not in control of our focus keeping it clean and positive and allowing, we risk springing some very dark and tragic elements into our reality.

I learned this, back in '94. I actually accomplished this, temporarily alas. The amount of incredibly hard work it took in terms of really being as "aware" every moment as was possible, was kind of amazing. It really does take effort, and a lot of it, to be aware, and to responsibly deal with what we find in ourselves. Later, after marrying and my life changed radically, I changed my focus. The Narrator showed me back then, what I had done, and that I had done it for self protection.

I merged with Nero while I was there by the way. I didn't mean to. I just threw my arms around him and hugged him and it started happening, so I accepted that and participated and it was really intense. Very cool.

Friday, February 23, 2007


A friend of mine into RV, Shamanic meditations and Lucid Dreaming, was having this very cool med the other day when an archetype told him, to increase his "awareness":

Contact the part of you which is all of you which is not afraid.

I thought that was a great line. I think I'm going to try my own archetype meditation with that used as a 'query string' or 'tasking'.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Independence Day

Today is my official independence day: my husband, as of late last night, is out of the country, and permanently out of my life aside from visits-to-kid. Thanks be to God.

I feel like I have lost a ton of weight from some unspecified part of my body, as if we hold some 'astral' sense of weight with things that 'weigh us down'. I could look at this as losing 195 lbs overnight. I feel great!

It'll take me at least a month just to clean up the unbelievable amount of STUFF he over-occupied the main room (and largest bedroom) with, but I'll do it.

And after two months of ice and snow, and 8 cats stuck in the house all the time, I decided to get tough about them at the same time. He went to the airport and they got thrown out to live in the garage. It has a couple HAC vents out there, food, water, litterboxes, and a cat-door in the window so they are free to go in/outdoors. I let the little fragile one with no body fat stay inside, but when it warms up, she can go out too.

Already the house FEELS significantly different.

I'm so happy.

I sang, "Hit the ROAD, Jack! And don'tcha come back! No more, no more, no more, no more!" all the way home from the airport.

I think I'll go clean something.