Saturday, January 13, 2007

Three Kings and the Stone Chair

Last night was 'mommy-baby date night' with my ten year old daughter, which means she got to snuggle up and fall asleep in my bed. This morning when we woke up, she said she'd had a dream and I asked her to tell it to me. I find her dreams fascinating for some reason. I think someday if I write these down, she will be intrigued by them when she is older. Anyway, so when she was done telling me I wrote it down and read it to her to make sure I had it right. I thought someone else might find "a ten year old girl's dream" a sort of novel interest, haha. You can see the esoteric and archetypal elements in it of course... she is clearly my daughter. ;-)

[Her dream]

I was walking on my porch, and then when I stepped off it I found myself in another world.

There was a stone chair, and next to it, three statues.

I went toward the chair and one of the statues, its stone broke and an old man that looked like the statue came out of it. He reminded me a little of "The Rider" in the Lord of the Rings movie.

I went behind the chair and found a doorway and went into some inner area.

I heard all these 'things' coming through the doorway and I hid. They turned out to be robots.

There was this tiny woman there and she and I fought. I won and so all her robots left.

I went back out and the second statue broke open and another old man was revealed.

He sat in the chair, and the other one said why are you in my chair, but then they laughed, they were both kings, but they were close friends.

I went back home to my house and went into my room but I saw this spider come down on a thread and I ran into it.

It fell on the floor and was huge and I was so scared, and I took off running out of the house and ran and ran.

I found myself in a place where the two kings were there on horseback. They had a woman like a young princess with them.

This other man on a black horse who looked a lot like one of the kings and was 'almost' a king but not quite, he was a black magician who also used a sword, he snuck up behind them all and killed the princess.

And then there was all these thin gauzy curtain things like in that video, all over [mom's input: "veils"].

One of the kings then had flowers in his hand like he had loved her and he said to her, "who did this to you?"

And even though she was dead she lifted her head and said something I can't really remember. [mom: 'try'.] It was like, "Bahmitrix." [she spelled this]

I thought that part was funny like it was a movie and even though she was dead she was talking and then dead again.

Then the black magician started talking to me and we talked and talked and somehow I came to be affectionate about him even though he was evil.

And he came home with me into my world, and he gave me a list of things I should do so I could become an evil magician like he was.

One thing I did was like a weird game where you had to capture things in a bag or net or something. I was about halfway through the list when - wait I think this is where I saw the spider. Anyway - when I wondered, "why would I want to be evil?"

And I realized that he wanted to be a king and he wanted me to become an evil magician so I could eliminate the other kings for him.

I went back out to the stone chair to tell the kings that this man was planning and coming for them.

And then I woke up.

[end of her dream]

Thursday, January 11, 2007

The Immortal

I went to bed early. I meditated a bit first. I got this awesome Creative 30G Zen player -- like a video iPod but better -- so I put on my favorite meditation music (the Narnia soundtrack) and finally got into it.

I had a different urge than I ever had before, and spent some time imagining myself in/at the very core of the earth, which had a sort of offbeat feeling, can't remember why. I fell asleep in the middle of that.

When I woke up this morning I was 20,000 leagues under the sea it felt like. I'd slept more than I usually do, but it took about six attempts over half an hour, including shaking and light, for someone else to get me awake.

I had this two-part dream.

In the first part, I was working with a group of people who weren't my people -- I mean they weren't human. We were doing a research study and I was one of the key subjects, but they were treating me like a coworker as well, and we were reviewing the research results.

It had to do with human experience with their species. We had a fairly large trial pool of subjects, of which I had been one prior to my current place reviewing results with them. We explored the data. It was clear that although nearly-all the humans were having the interaction with their people, only a super tiny percentage (like less than 1%) were able to become cognitively aware of this. The reasons ranged from health to psychology issues, but the general consensus we had was that although the humans considered this awareness to be a form of insanity or related to it anyway, that it was in fact evidence of a good deal more physical and psychological 'clarity' on the humans' part who were able to be 'aware' of it.

The second part of the study had to do with the frequency of exposure. This was the part that really threw me for a loop. They showed how on average in 24 hours, humans passed through a sort of... you might call it a cycle, kind of like how brainwaves cycle except this is more like a larger earth cycle we are just part of, but that does interact with our minds -- and we were exposed to them generally about four times during each 24 hour period. This kind of amazed me. I was saying, but I thought this was something that only happened when we were asleep, or walking through the woods ha-ha-ha, are you sure? FOUR times per 24 hours?! So they sort of showed me (though I can't put it in words) how and why this was the case. I know I'm translating it badly, but it felt like something to do with four cardinal points and our brainwaves and the rotation of the earth.

Then we reviewed how the 'awareness' of the population and the 'frequency' of the interaction varied with many of the subjects. For example, even of those humans able to become 'aware' of the 'during-sleep' exposure to their species, just as low a % of them were able to be aware of the occasional exposure that happened at periods other than sleep. The very few who did, usually psychologically were associating their experience with something like a place -- for example, the route they drove every day, they would think they were being abducted from their car or something, when really, everyone was exposed "on this other level of consciousness" and for them the cycle just happened to fall during their long drive.

We also explored how some people thought they had an exposure to their species as a one-time thing, and it wasn't that it was a one-time thing, it was just that for a variety of reasons (often health, psychology, the cycle, the type of experience, whatever) they were only aware of that one particular experience and none of the others. Something to do with what % of a person's overall attention they turn toward that level of themselves vs. having it (as is normal) split, and so much less intense.

Oh yeah that reminds me, another factor was that the four cycles weren't the same for everyone. Even though it was a larger earth-based 'pattern of cycle', it related to the individual's interaction with that on an energetic level, so people varied "when" and sometimes how often (more or less) depending on their own cycles.

Then there was this second part of the dream.

I was working with this group of people who weren't my people -- but I don't know if it was the same group as the first time, I'm just assuming so -- doing a lot more complex stuff. It was a combination of testing (them testing me), and experimenting with what I could do, perceive, etc. as a conscious test subject.

Then just about everything was completed, and the room changed into a bedroom, and they said, "We can tie you, if you like." They acted like this was a good idea and I should agree. For what, I asked? For The Immortal, they say. It came across with that word and the sense of a capital. The Immortal was 'superior' to them in their perception, like part of a different species with a higher authority you might say.

I said naw, I'll talk to him, casual as I always am. So he comes in the room, and I nearly pass out. I don't know why, but he terrified me. He was at least three times as big as me, although now awake I think that might have been not his body but his aura. He was almost the archetypal 'demon' image of our culture, and reminded me greatly of what a close friend of mine told me he has seen in his viewing and 'experiences', which I assured him I had never encountered, despite all my many alien-ish experiences. He had some kind of spiky-things on his shoulders and too-small bat-wing things. And he was ugly. But it wasn't the body; I wasn't really responding to that, I was just 'observing' it. It was the energy that freaked me out. It was so "intense," and so "large". So frightening to me.

The energy of an Archangel is frightening too of course, on a really deep level of mortal terror, but that is the fear of God, it is fright based on 'awe' and the soul's realization that too close exposure could do the equivalent of vaporize you. This was not that kind of fright, but still seemed like the gut-inspired sort.

I found myself on the bed naked (this will teach me to wear pajamas to bed, ha!) and I realized as he came toward me that the intent was that he was going to have sex with me. I leaped off the bed and went, I DON'T THINK SO YOU GUYS! He stopped, and looked at the others with me. One of the guys pulled out a sheet of paper and said, "See, you agreed to work with us on this." I said dude, sex with your freaky Immortal was NOT what I agreed to! A female there said to me, "Oh come on. You had to know from the beginning that this was intended at the end!" I looked at her like she was crazy. "I think not!" I denied. "Maybe I was stupid or inattentive, but I never agreed to this, and there is NO WAY I am merging with that -- that -- thing!"

Oddly enough, it wasn't the sex part that bothered me -- it was the understanding that it would merge my ENERGY with his that was really upsetting me. It was like it was rape. I mean even if I had agreed to it, it would have been rape, that is the 'effect' the energy would have on me, in a really severe way.

Suddenly I realized why they had offered to tie me. They'd hoped I'd say yes. And I'd been so oblivious. Here I'd spent a whole day studying research about how oblivious humans were -- and then promptly proved it in my own way.

Then the 'context' of the dream shifted, and instead of me being in the situation, I was watching a woman in a movie. But some little part of my mind was 'aware' that this was still me, and that this 'movie effect' was in fact one way they had of dealing with my species. They couldn't keep some of us from being aware. But they could kind of lean on us to "shift perspective," in much the same way that a therapist can have someone "imagine" seeing a past traumatic experience on a television instead of re-experiencing it personally.

It didn't help them. Despite that I had this strong sense from the others that I was supposed to be *flattered* this 'Immortal' wanted to merge with me, I considered his energy a direct threat to mine... as if the experience would genuinely do me harm spiritually.

I half-realized (not entirely lucid on this, only partly) that this was a new and novel approach to me. They keep coming back and trying to convince me to join them or sign something, but usually they are more direct. I usually find myself in dreams standing with my legs staunch, like a captain on board a ship, shouting loud like a magical cadence, I AM OF MICHAEL! YOU CANNOT HAVE ME! I AM OF MICHAEL! over and over, and they have to leave me, obviously ticked off about how innately I snap to that the minute awareness of their attempt to get my commitment became clear.

This was novel though, because I didn't have that response this time, maybe because of the different way they approached it this time. They never asked for my agreement on the level they wanted, they'd only asked for something I was willing to do because I'm so interested in research, and I think they hoped that the merge of energy, if I could be persuaded to it, would in turn make me a lot more susceptible.

I was being woke up as I was refusing, and it was pulling me away from them. It felt like they were trying to hold me there, and my body was having such a hard time waking up, but then I'd be forcibly woken up again, until finally I woke up fully, and at least as far as I know, pulled myself away from them in the process.

The overall experience particularly with the 'research' initially really underscored how our concept that these things have to be physical on *our* level is just so, so wrong. It's just as real, but culturally we are geared to deny anything non-physical. At times I've had the impression this is one of many cultural things they themselves 'encourage' in our species for their own ends.

Later when awake, I was kind of disappointed I hadn't responded like I normally do. As if it is a sign of my having paid so much less attention to Michael and prayer for some time. Time to re-affirm that part of my life.

When I finally woke up, I thought to myself, "Like they have nothing better to do but recruit you during your sleep. Like you are so important. Get over yourself, sheesh!" and I threw on a dress and took the kid to school.

It's just another day.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Life, or Something Like It

I wonder what normal people do with their lives.

They probably don't spend it obsessed with hypnosis.

Or obsessed with remote viewing.

Or obsessed with their eating plan.

Sometimes in the dim history of my memory, I recall that normal people do... well, normal things. I just can't remember what those are.

Maybe they work, come home, eat dinner, read the paper, watch TV, and go to sleep.

No, that'll never do. More than two weeks of that would make me put a bullet in my head. There's gotta be more to life and something deeper or what's the point of getting up in the morning.

Thank you Bill for the Evanescence second album etc. And the kind words. I love the music.

I have a whole list of resolutions for 2007 I hope to do well by. And I just began implementing a 'schedule' in my day that includes accomplishing a lot more than normal. So far things are going well.

Joe McMoneagle's birthday is Wednesday the 10th. I'm posting on his blog that morning. Please comment on the post I make to wish him a happy birthday. It's nothing short of about 82 miracles that he is even around to turn 61.

Thank you Dave for bailing out my Radical RV group when I abandoned it about 10 seconds after opening it. I hope you can find some other sucker to pawn moderator work off on so it can continue.

I did the rounds on the RV online stuff tonight. I realized that my burnout on the online field is not going to be over anytime soon apparently.

I was really happy until about an hour ago. PMS probably, when my internal world takes a 90 degree turn that's usually it. I think I am spiraling into one of those spiritual dark nights of the soul or something. That's a good thing actually. History shows it'll take me a day or three to hit bottom, but when I do, it'll be so deep that it'll bring me home to myself and God in a bid for soul survival.

And... it's just another day.

I hope you all are doing well.

Just because I'm an antisocial uncommunicative bonehead doesn't mean I don't want people to email me and tell me how they are by the way. I know. I'm selfish. I don't feel like being social, yet I miss all my friends, go figure.