Sunday, October 08, 2006

Burnout

It's been three weeks since I walked away from everything to do with online RV. Aside from a couple posts when a crashed server finally went back up, and private talk with some friends about actual viewing, I've avoided the subject online entirely.

And I'm still burned out. I really feel like the world isn't ready for RV and that includes the majority of the people involved with it online.

So many of the people in this field and their profound lack of ethics, coupled with their armchair fake morally-holier-than-thou routine and constant backend politics, literally make me nauseated. Being forced to even indirectly be involved in the same field makes me feel like a cop who is forced to deal with the total scumbags on the street and feels his optimism about life just slipping away by the day.

There are some really good people in RV. Unfortunately the vast majority of them are lurkers which make them useless to the online field. Those that are here are great, but they are greatly outnumbered by the armchair wannabes and much worse.

I feel like a lot of my efforts over time have been with the assumption that many good deserving people would have something of value. Yet I don't know that this is so. A FEW people -- yes. Not that many. Not enough, to be honest, to make it worth it to me to give up every shred of my precious limited free time. I have had a lot of goals for TKR and I'm not sure I'm going to bother finishing any of them. I've finished a lot of stuff. Maybe not the rest.

I feel like, the people who most respect viewing, and the people who most respect me, would be the first ones to tell me, get offline and do more viewing and have a life PJ. And I really don't care what the rest think.

At the moment I think I may fix some bugs and some minor features in the dojo, and improve a couple 'maintenance' things for the backend. That might be it. I'm not sure that I'll be back, not just to TKR but much of anywhere online besides my personal stuff. I really have reached the point where the BS online, in lists, in my email box, etc. has made me feel like the field just doesn't deserve me. Sure, it sounds stuck up, but that's the way I feel. Some people do, they are great, there just aren't many of them. The subject at large does, it is worthy, it just falls to second place behind the methods and politics and social junk. But on the whole, if this was a relationship, I'd say I deserve better.

I have until November to decide I guess. Not that any decision has to be forever. But I think I may pull most all of my stuff private, make the dojo a private club as I originally planned, spend a lot more of my time viewing than coding, work on my book, and tell the rest of RV to get stuffed.

Works for me, anyway.

5 comments:

C said...

are there any places/sites that you have always wanted to go see and would like to travel to ?

No matter where one lives, even if it's where others do their vacationing -- sometimes it's great to get out of town for a bit take a little vacation.

I support you in whatever adventure is in store. We do care !!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with what "c" said. Taking a little vacation is a good idea.

cp

Anonymous said...

You've had a tremendous effect on the field. The future will be different because of your work.

But this stuff definitely burns people out. I can personally attest to that.

Live your life, PJ. Life is precious and too short. Your daughter needs you.

Enjoy the future.

Glyn said...

See you around PJ, take care of yourself and do some of the things you never had time to do. You will be back. I know...I'm a remote viewer. ;-)

..and don't forget that book. You have a lot to say, so say it :-)

Marv Darley said...

Do what you gotta do, Red. You have my best wishes all the way.

Marv