Monday, June 12, 2006

Guide Me

I just can't figure what is up with my viewing except that apparently I'm going through some internal ... change. Or something. I also can't remember the details now of the meditation/session mix (accidental alas) that led into things last night. Suffice to say that Nero seemed to get aggravated at my utter inability to pay attention to anything for more than about 1.4 seconds. EricT calls it OLAP viewing, the RV attention deficit disorder: Yes, blue... stone, and curved at the -- oh look, a pony!

So Nero (sounding nothing like the kinder, gentler soul I thought guides were supposed to be) tells me that until I can learn to hold focus decently he wants to see me visualizing red-light triangle outlines until they are utterly clear visually in my mind and remain that way without front-brain (as I call it) effort.

I had this ping in my head when he said this, but it wasn't until I was into trying it that I recalled this is what the Inner Guide said to me way back in January, though he had also added white circle-outlines after that. So I'm guessing that what I dropped off doing back then, I am doing now. It's so basic it's embarrassing. This is magick 101.

But I have to admit he's right that my focus, which used to be nearly profound, is now really fragmented. He did help at least enough to show me that a slow turning of the shape actually seems to help hold it for some reason. I need more work on getting it fixed and then turning my attention away on the 'surface' but holding it. Damn it, I used to be so great at this stuff. Maybe 20 years of sleep deprivation and workaholism is finally showing my fraying at the edges.

When I finally got to my session, I was trying to hold the visualizing focus so since I didn't know how I could do both (and he clearly wanted me to). So I imagined it getting so big it was like a doorway around me, and hence wasn't in my face, so I could concentrate on viewing.

After a bit (I thought to show me an example of how clear the visual of the triangle should be), he popped a shape in front of me, a rectangle-outline with the corners rounded, made of silver metal, flat but a few inches wide, and it turned, in utter clarity in my head. I had to admit I was impressed at how this seemingly 99%-autonomous identity in my head could produce something in my mind with 4x the clarity I could. I couldn't seem to get my red triangle-outlines anywhere near that well done.

Eventually feedback arrives and the shape he was showing me was literally the central shape/material of the middle of the target (which had diverse components). And I had thought what he was doing was unrelated to my session! Which seems a rather obvious problem one might have if they can't keep what they are doing---viewing, vs. meditating---separate.

But I go to view lately and you see what I get---weird stuff, alleged other-lives, and so-called Guides. Sheesh. Guides, of all things. I admit, I feel like a total moron even using that label, given the general intellect of many others I've heard using it over time. Who with half a brain would admit to stupid junk like this?

1 comment:

Dave said...

Red, some of this sounds virtually identical to yogic meditation experiences I've had. Things like this are what led me think that people's different method of choice (magick, shamanism, yoga, etc.) are essentially the "same thing - different culture".

When I was learning to meditate I had a great deal of trouble focusing intently on anything (such as the red trianlge you mentioned) for more than maybe 15-30 seconds. I had heard a lot of talk about various kinds of spirit guides, spirit helpers, guardian angles, etc., but so much of it was presented in a way that sounded like a lot of new-age nonsense to me that I was turned off to those kinds of ideas. One day I sat down on my sofa to meditate, and before I started, something internal prodded me to utter something corny like, "my higher self, help me to meditate". Upon finishing my corny sentence I immediately went into an extremely deep, totally focused and undisturbed meditation. It lasted about 50 minutes (I knew what time I started) and there was never the slightest break in concentration. The whole time my eyes were closed and just looking forward into blackness. But the blackness had two shades of black. The lighter shade of black was the background, and the darker shade was a big round spot that took up 1/4 of my field of vision. The spot circled around an axis point which it touched. The axis point was exactly in the center of my field of vision. The big dark spot slowly circled around its axis counter-clockwise for about 50 minutes. Nothing else happened, I just focused on the axis point and watched the spot slowly circle it. It's like all of my 5 senses were completely shut down. I didn't hear or feel a thing the entire time. It might sound like a waste of time, like sitting in front of a TV in the in the 1960's and watching the test pattern for an hour. It was an indescribable experience though, to this day the greatest meditation experience I've had. Something I can't describe happened during that meditation.

And to this day I still question whether we have these guides or not. Pretty hard-headed, aren't I?

I suspect an experience such as this one cold be considered one of the many "shocks" that George Gurdjieff talked so much about.