Tuesday, June 06, 2006


I was doing a session, or rather I would have been had actual data been involved. (Sigh.) I was having a rather odd internal effect. I wrote: My mind feels curiously still. Not just like I'm not getting data, but like the whole "landscape of my mind" is literally "stilled," artificially motionless, and absolutely nothing comes in or out.

It reminded me of the sense I have sometimes had during storm season, when I suddenly realize that it is unnaturally still and quiet, and I look at the sky worriedly, on the lookout for the gray-green tinge that bespeaks tornados. I wondered about this, and just then I "realized" a synchronicity of sorts:

My experience in the session blogged prior was that the girl was trying to avoid psychically seeing me. Trying to block out what was right there in front of her--me, another aspect of her. That was really the whole point of it, was her denial. She "refused to see."

(I just remembered a dream I wrote about years ago where I grabbed some woman with long dark hair (aka... me) and was yelling in her face, in a near crying-rage of exasperation, "You must seeeeeeee! You MUST seeeeee!")

Since the time of the session of the woman avoiding perceiving me, now suddenly in this new session I realized I was having the experience of "apparently" blocking out, rejecting, whatever psi data I allegedly wanted. I mused about this for a moment. I often get data that is more about the session or about me than about the target. As long as I realize that of course, that's fine, and sometimes I ask for that. I wondered, could it be that the experience, which I clearly knew wasn't the target at the time, was instead information or example/allegory about me? Could it be that I was trying to avoid "seeing an aspect of myself" in my psychic data?

I know, this is psychoanalysis instead of viewing, but there you go -- much viewing eventually ends up becoming that if one is attempting to be 'aware' of themselves and grow.

I interact with data in sessions at times. Some of my most mind-blowing session experiences have been as a result of that. Recently I've had a reminder to myself that if I get something which is not data, that I will act on it; interact with it. So for example if I get a visual of a person doing something, I will interact with them if that is the seeming offer; if not, I will just rewind and imagine myself doing that thing, to sort of 'gain rapport' by mimicry. (E.g., I often 'see a door close' or something. So, I go open it back up.) It often works surprisingly well.

I recalled that I had been to the left, and standing so a bit above, the girl at the spinnet. If she was some allegory to me---and hello, she was me, in the experience, was that a clue I wondered?!---then I would 'act out' that scenario again and see if anything useful came of it.

So I visualized sitting here and syncing with my third eye and then looking to my upper left where I had been for the girl.
I nearly jumped back in my mind---a man was standing there right in front of me! I thought WOW, that's clearer than usual and right-there-ready.
He was maybe mid-20's to mid-30's, hard for me to place an age. I was kind of astonished to see him there.
I thought, is this some part of me I don't want to see for some reason? I wonder why? I just looked at him for a little while.

"Are you part of me?" I finally asked.

"Yes," he said, nodding.

"Why would I not want to see you?" I asked him, wondering, if he is some aspect of myself, I don't see anything that odd about him, why would I be rejecting that?

He grinned, reminding me of the 'Mat' character in WoT, as if he knew my thoughts and said with a laugh, "I don't know!"

I realized that I shouldn't allow myself to be distracted.

"I'm doing psychic work at the moment," I said seriously. "I want to know the target info. That's all I want to do right now. Can you help me do that?"

"Will you come see me if I do?" he haggled.

I stared at him, nonplussed as I hadn't expected anything like that.

"Um. Are you sure you're a part of me?" I asked again, warily.

"Yes," he said, looking like he might laugh--in a good way though--any moment.

"What's your name?" I said, putting off commitment for a moment more.


"Nero?" I say, breaking into an actual giggle. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I am not kidding," he assured me with a droll quirk to his lips, but otherwise seriously.

I thought about it.

"OK," I agreed. "So I will... ah, just meditate and call you, is that all that is required?"

"That's all that's required," he told me.

It was a deal. What aspect of me might he be? I don't know yet.

I stood up, he took my hand, and the landscape dissolved around us.

I found myself outside somewhere, and this thing ahead of me was truly bizarre looking. Like nothing I have ever seen in my life.

It was all puckered and vertically lined. Open at the top. Aol on volcano as it was just that shape, of the sort that are sort of short-fat with a notable opening at the top and verticle lines of wear around the edges. Except it was flexible, not hard like stone. And it seemed to be opening and closing in a cyclic way, as if there were activity, and energy going in and coming out, except hardly any energy, and it felt like old weary dried out thinning rubber. I had some sense that was not positive at all, but I couldn't articulate it. I didn't like it.

Instead of focusing on that I asked for more data and everything changed. I found myself flying high above an area and then coming down around the edge of a tall building that seemed like it was built somewhere 'high'. Alas, then I was out of time for the session, so in the end I had no real session here -- just a rather offbeat experience.

When I saw the feedback, I had the instant 'sense' that the weird thing I had seen, had been the crown chakra of the person in the target photo, and that it is really yucky. It was like a cross between a volcano and a sphincter and it was opening and closing in a rhythym, but it seemed all dried out, old and worn, grey-brown. I don't know how someone could be alive with a crown chakra like that. (Then again, see the feedback here. Maybe they can?)

I'm not going to claim that I viewed a chakra -- since it has no feedback! -- so perhaps that was only my imagination. Another session with zero viewing accomplished, but I suppose an interesting enough personal experience.

It occurred to me to wonder if perhaps this was a new, novel variant on the endless cycles of psychological resistance and denial to RV, but I decided no, I don't think so. I feel in my gut that there are some things that need to be going on with me right now, and I am not meditating much, so they have nowhere to happen but during my sessions. Sounds like my viewing may give me a good reason to meditate, in the end!

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