Friday, July 07, 2006

Seeds and Weeds

One of the things about experimenting is, sometimes you don't really know if you are walking a path with potential... or one destined to failure for something so stupid you'll be whacking your forehead about how could you have missed it... or just some ordinary, meaningless path that your desire to be experimental is making into a big drama-queen head-trip Adventure with a capital A, when really it just ain't no thang, as the saying goes.

I did another session along the same lines as the last one. A few have worked so great for me in this "relationship" model I've been working in, that I've been excited about it all.

I realized when beginning the connect phase that if it's easier for me to 'expect' the target to provide me a symbol of something, like a person, to 'communicate' with about the initial phase, that's fine too. So I did.

When it came to putting some of my energy into some form that I could put 'on or in' the archetype---or in this case, give to the target-symbol---I "understood" that it wanted something specific. Instead of just imagining pouring energy into a little ball and handing it over, which was my conscious intent for a moment, I felt obliged to go over my entire body pulling out "threads" of this gold-light-energy. I mean my whole body, head to toes, back and front, as if it was important that there be some representative energy from all over.

I felt intrigued by this; it's always the spontaneous, surprising stuff that has the most power in archetype work and I didn't consciously think of this. I then held in both my hands a heaping group of energy strings, looking much like regular strings would in some respects, about 8-9" long each and several dozen of them. I wasn't sure what to do with them, but it "felt right" to let them settle into a neat bundle--they looked silky like hair then--- and then to twist this into a shape that sort of tied in what looked like a Celtic knot. Then I gave it to the representative, and he indicated that was ok and it was clear that he had a specific . . . "criteria" for this and I had met it acceptably.

This made me feel a bit odd, not bad at all, just wondering... my archetypes as I've worked with them for years, may change or heal or whatever on their own schedule, in their own way, and have their own communication, but it has always been me who 100% drove that show. Suddenly it feels as if I'm having to put my experience where my armchair is: all that talk about "mutual" and "equal relationship" and "respect" and I find I'm being forced to acknowledge exactly that, when despite my theories, apparently I still had a comfortable "superior and in control" perspective (if my surprise on not feeling much of either is any clue!).

I wondered, so is the archetype (which is the target, even though in my normal work the archetype is always ME, yet we're working on the assumption that the universe, target and me are all part of the same continuum here... ouch! my brain hurts!)---is the archetype-target, prior to the session, telling me something about its nature, or the nature of my connection with it?

OK so then in the session, I feel as if it's going fine. (No FB yet.) Then, this is funny: the element of "string theory" --- specifically, Serpienski strings (a type of fractal I believe) --- ended up in the session, and I gotta ask myself, ok, WHAT are the odds that something bizarre like that in a session would be following on something in the intro of me pulling out little strings all over me? I don't know if it means anything more than me picking up on me, or if the session data was in fact wrongly affected by the intro---but still I found it intriguing.

At the end of the session---or rather, some ways in---I had such a massive AOL on the target I'd done just previous that I had to quit viewing altogether. In retrospect I see that it really was AOL, so I'll be doing another session, ignoring that and picking up the earlier stuff where I left off... and we'll see if I can successfully, surgically resuscitate the data. ;-)

So then, going into the session after that, I had the feeling that I need to establish a typical, consistent doorway for this contact. By that I mean, archetype work has the inner-space "cave" in the Inner Guide shamanic format, and it has rituals in various occult formats, most things do have some kind of standard visualized environment and process for the "connection."

I felt that my inner space cave was not the place to do this. Don't know why, but I feel that it is not appropriate there for some reason. Nor my typical area where my Four and regular guides are. Nor my physical environ either. I felt there was something I'm missing, something that a subconscious part of me was saying, "Do it like this, this is the good, solid, appropriate approach." I can actually "feel" under the surface of me, a "mental model, thought-form construct" that is what is... good for this. I just haven't had it come through yet.

In the next session I spent like 15 minutes trying to get an intuitive handle on how to start this off properly and ended up snoring. Sigh. Chronic sleep deprivation sucks. Every time I've tried to view for 2 days I fall asleep. Yes I know I need sleep but I don't have time. Grrrr.

My earlier session, which in retrospect, although a diff experience, made me think: when I went through the data, I saw all these amazing parallels to the previous session I'd done 2 days before. This made me wonder: could it be that I did not "disconnect" sufficiently? You know, like viewers talk about detox from target, well is there some disconnect ritual kind of necessary when you are trying to make such a deep connection as I am with them, an actual permanent exchange of energy with the target as an archetype?

And is my reality going to freak out if I start doing all these sessions that amount to archetype meditations? I've only worked on MY archetypes and the results are staggering; this is real magic in the most profound form. Now I'm working on... um... are they still "my" archetypes? Does viewing something connect me with it ("putting it into my reality" you might say) in such a way that this "internal blueprint of communication and energy exchange" makes it no different than me meditating on a life situation or my Sun?

I do rather feel like I'm walking a path that hasn't got any kind of road at all. The closest I find is a combination of Seth (Jane Roberts), Crowley, Edwin Steinbrecher, and my own years of offbeat experience with 'active meditations', identities, etc. I'm not sure if I am blazing a useful trail, or if I'm just meandering through the psychic gutter making a big deal of every can I have to kick out of the way. It feels right, though. It feels like this is something that is really important to me, and that I am supposed to find, but that I am just at the beginning.

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