Sunday, July 16, 2006


I can't shake the memory of that "Library of Me," and me trying to hang on up high while the entire edifice of bookshelf and contents began to fall into chaos and collapse.

I feel as if this is so literal. As if I can actually feel that inside me, like I am breaking up into many component parts and it's going to be a big tumbling rearrangement of everything. Do you suppose all the kings horses and all the king's men can put me back together again? And what good are the horses supposed to do, anyway?

I've been stressing over job issues, over money issues, over health issues, over child issues, over mate issues, over friend issues, a root canal I needed 10 years ago and didn't get has come back to haunt me and dental stuff is always, for me, my reality-sign of major "fundamental" stuff going on with me. My A/C house system semi-quit working and the heat has been horrible which has made me the dragon lady. I just feel as if every major issue in my life is coming up in my face at the same time for some reason.

My dad just retired two weeks ago, after a year of living in terror about how when this happened they'd be so poor and my stepmom's job (which didn't make much) would be the only thing and since they are to some degree my "stability link" that was worrisome enough. But then tonight they tell me she got fed up and quit her job so they're taking their (old, but new to them) RV and both the cats and they're going to tour Texas and Arizona and so on.... in late July.

Yeah. Alrighty then.

So a little while ago, sitting in the walmart parking lot while Lu The Stoic, commanded by Evil Queen Me, ran in to buy more A/C filters, I did a quick archmed on whatever I needed most right then with a special thought for my life's stability particularly in job/money areas.

The arch was pretty unique. OK, they all are, but really... he was "composed" of a loose mass of short little threads, each one a different color. It looked rather like when you apply graphic color "noise" to an image except the dots were little threads. But then, from around his collarbone, his whole neck and head was stretched waaaaaaay up away from his body, and I had the sense that there was something "in" him that was "distorting his pattern" causing this.

I got into him like a medical thing and removed all kinds of "spacer bars" and other things that seemed designed to distort his body in this fashion. I took a whole bundle of metal-like short posts and such out of him, and dealt with them. Went back to him and apologized for so "mucking up his pattern." Instead of a trade I felt we could merge so I tried it out, and got a decent little rush that tells me it worked at least a little. Got out of it just in time to start the car and leave.

Humor, maybe: my Warder of sorts (in the most delightfully Green way) tells me that as it turns out while I was dreaming of the library of me, he was in something between a dream and meditation where he was in a library where every book had my name in front of a title and each book was some aspect of my life. Neat shared symbology! I was going to do archmed work on that nifty symbol but, the heat has made me really unwilling to do anything but slither around growling at the universe.

Oh yeah! Well I'd planned a second session as the first was short, but blew it and by the time I woke up -- early, actually, especially for a Sunday -- feedback had posted like an hour before. So I'm in the doghouse, I blew it. I had Ry go scan and email me the image right then anyway, I hope better late than never. I can't say any of the data is correct as it turns out there is no feedback except the tasking and target; the "focus" of the target's task is on a "source" of what is seen in the photo. Brief session here.

I read my email and though I don't respond to much these days for time issues, I just want folks who write me about stuff here to know that I read them and I really appreciate them. Sorry I'm an antisocial cretin, glad someone likes me anyway.

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