The Tower

My last two sessions have been utter non-data disasters from a remote viewing perspective. While metaphysics is all very well and good, that really is not why I sit down to view. If metaphysics will not stay out of my viewing, then apparently I need to make more time for them outside my sessions, so they will. So last night I sat down, added Narnia on the MP3 and let myself slide into meditation.

I went to my inner space, and eyed the castle over-there. If I visit it, I only visit the roof. I went to the roof and watched something that might be dragons fly in the far distance of the mountains, in the direction of the river. The sun was setting (its placement seems to have nothing to do with my outer world) and it was beginning to be dusk. I knew that I needed to go find 'the tower' whatever that was, as instructed (see previous post).

Bryn and Stet were there, outer guides, as always beside me. So where is the tower? I ask them. They indicate a big round part of the castle that goes up not too much higher than the high roofpoint I am standing on. Unlike most 'towers' in a castle this was not on the outer edge but right in the middle of the building. OK I shrug, and to get this over with, since I feared I might slide into sleep, I turned and went down into the castle proper.

Where is the tower entrance? I asked the castle-at-large when I arrived. Glowing arrows appeared in the air and I followed them, jogging a bit, until they led me to a hallway. The stairs led upward in a wide squared rise, which was nowhere near as big as the tower-top I had seen. When I reached the top---the last arrow pointed out an expanded doorway---I could see why; this was only at the side.

In the middle of the room, on the floor, was some giant symbol. I avoided looking at it, worrying that my conscious mind would AOL it into some symbol I know rather than whatever it is---it is best to get such data spontaneously and autonomously so I know that whatever my mind is giving me, it is more valid to my subconscious. I went and stood right in the middle of the big round room, in the middle of the symbol, and looked around.

There were a bunch of people there, which was confusing. There is only me and the three after all. I looked for my mate, and there he was; I walked over and put my arm around him, and tried to kind of curl up and hide against his chest, like a shy child might with their mother. I felt intensely shy about all these other people, as if they were more than I was ready to deal with.

The other two of our four came toward me and I felt, as I always feel when I address either of them, their 'glory' of a sort; spiritual royalty, to say the least. I clung to the third tightly, though, and aside from the other two, I refused to look at all the others. The senior nodded and all the others who had been coming toward us, stopped and backed up, standing back politely it seemed.

They are 'of' you as well, the senior told me. I held harder to the third, not wanting to see. It was hard enough accepting that my soul could somehow have three others involved with it---let alone that I was a 'smaller perspective' than they were, and the fourth of four---that took years. And I still don't seem to have it all down, given some of my dreams and visions and meditations which suggest that I am, to put it gently, psychically obtuse.

There must have been about 12-16 other people there. I kept my eyes closed, clinging to my mate, the one who once told me he was Noshaimus, and he stood there stoicly, clearly 'feeling through me' that the thing to do here was to suck it up and pay attention but letting me do it on my own time. So I did. I forced myself to step away from him and to look at our senior squarely.

It is already so, you know, he said. It is only a matter of acceptance. He was quoting me back at me!---I wrote that about my 'Abyss' experience back in my Bewilderness days. I gathered up my courage and agreed, and turned to greet them.

And there he was. Nero, the mischeviously grinning dark haired man who had bargained with me earlier. So he is one of the aspects of me? I wondered. Apparently so, someone thought, might have been me, but I'm not sure. One by one, each of the people shook my hand, and then walked into me gently, a very mild energy 'merge' feeling.

Usually archetype merges are far more intense than that; it suggests that I am really not much integrated with them yet at all. Then the cycle came around again, and it required that I go and walk into each of them instead, but shortly in... I fell asleep. Denial, probably.

When I awoke this morning, I forced myself to finish the process. The people spread out from the four of us, and I had the definite sense of a geometric, fractal pattern, that the combination of us "composed" something. Long ago, I had merged with the three and had a similar sense. The four of us lit up with white spheres at our chakras -- including one under the feet -- and merged together and then out into a 3D shape that was that "Tree of Life" QBL thing.

This time, there were lights less like white energy ball-spheres, and more like small but intensely bright glimmering things, and each person had several of them. We all connected together, as if the several we each carried were all fitted into a net or matrix or sorts, a pattern, somewhat spread out. I gazed on it from the inside and suddenly realized: it's like being within the stars. Like a star-map in 3D, like floating in space.

Every man and every woman is a star, I remembered once reading, and then I remembered my experience with a universe as an idea incarnate. My relationship within the four is of one nature; the added people are more than an expansion, they are more like a... like a different nature of connectivity.

Tonight I am going back to talk with the three and see if I can better understand the point of it all, and what they would like of me.

Oh yeah. And I have a date with Nero.

Nero

I was doing a session, or rather I would have been had actual data been involved. (Sigh.) I was having a rather odd internal effect. I wrote: My mind feels curiously still. Not just like I'm not getting data, but like the whole "landscape of my mind" is literally "stilled," artificially motionless, and absolutely nothing comes in or out.

It reminded me of the sense I have sometimes had during storm season, when I suddenly realize that it is unnaturally still and quiet, and I look at the sky worriedly, on the lookout for the gray-green tinge that bespeaks tornados. I wondered about this, and just then I "realized" a synchronicity of sorts:

My experience in the session blogged prior was that the girl was trying to avoid psychically seeing me. Trying to block out what was right there in front of her--me, another aspect of her. That was really the whole point of it, was her denial. She "refused to see."

(I just remembered a dream I wrote about years ago where I grabbed some woman with long dark hair (aka... me) and was yelling in her face, in a near crying-rage of exasperation, "You must seeeeeeee! You MUST seeeeee!")

Since the time of the session of the woman avoiding perceiving me, now suddenly in this new session I realized I was having the experience of "apparently" blocking out, rejecting, whatever psi data I allegedly wanted. I mused about this for a moment. I often get data that is more about the session or about me than about the target. As long as I realize that of course, that's fine, and sometimes I ask for that. I wondered, could it be that the experience, which I clearly knew wasn't the target at the time, was instead information or example/allegory about me? Could it be that I was trying to avoid "seeing an aspect of myself" in my psychic data?

I know, this is psychoanalysis instead of viewing, but there you go -- much viewing eventually ends up becoming that if one is attempting to be 'aware' of themselves and grow.

I interact with data in sessions at times. Some of my most mind-blowing session experiences have been as a result of that. Recently I've had a reminder to myself that if I get something which is not data, that I will act on it; interact with it. So for example if I get a visual of a person doing something, I will interact with them if that is the seeming offer; if not, I will just rewind and imagine myself doing that thing, to sort of 'gain rapport' by mimicry. (E.g., I often 'see a door close' or something. So, I go open it back up.) It often works surprisingly well.

I recalled that I had been to the left, and standing so a bit above, the girl at the spinnet. If she was some allegory to me---and hello, she was me, in the experience, was that a clue I wondered?!---then I would 'act out' that scenario again and see if anything useful came of it.

So I visualized sitting here and syncing with my third eye and then looking to my upper left where I had been for the girl.
I nearly jumped back in my mind---a man was standing there right in front of me! I thought WOW, that's clearer than usual and right-there-ready.
He was maybe mid-20's to mid-30's, hard for me to place an age. I was kind of astonished to see him there.
I thought, is this some part of me I don't want to see for some reason? I wonder why? I just looked at him for a little while.

"Are you part of me?" I finally asked.

"Yes," he said, nodding.

"Why would I not want to see you?" I asked him, wondering, if he is some aspect of myself, I don't see anything that odd about him, why would I be rejecting that?

He grinned, reminding me of the 'Mat' character in WoT, as if he knew my thoughts and said with a laugh, "I don't know!"

I realized that I shouldn't allow myself to be distracted.

"I'm doing psychic work at the moment," I said seriously. "I want to know the target info. That's all I want to do right now. Can you help me do that?"

"Will you come see me if I do?" he haggled.

I stared at him, nonplussed as I hadn't expected anything like that.

"Um. Are you sure you're a part of me?" I asked again, warily.

"Yes," he said, looking like he might laugh--in a good way though--any moment.

"What's your name?" I said, putting off commitment for a moment more.

"Nero."

"Nero?" I say, breaking into an actual giggle. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I am not kidding," he assured me with a droll quirk to his lips, but otherwise seriously.

I thought about it.

"OK," I agreed. "So I will... ah, just meditate and call you, is that all that is required?"

"That's all that's required," he told me.

It was a deal. What aspect of me might he be? I don't know yet.

I stood up, he took my hand, and the landscape dissolved around us.

I found myself outside somewhere, and this thing ahead of me was truly bizarre looking. Like nothing I have ever seen in my life.

It was all puckered and vertically lined. Open at the top. Aol on volcano as it was just that shape, of the sort that are sort of short-fat with a notable opening at the top and verticle lines of wear around the edges. Except it was flexible, not hard like stone. And it seemed to be opening and closing in a cyclic way, as if there were activity, and energy going in and coming out, except hardly any energy, and it felt like old weary dried out thinning rubber. I had some sense that was not positive at all, but I couldn't articulate it. I didn't like it.

Instead of focusing on that I asked for more data and everything changed. I found myself flying high above an area and then coming down around the edge of a tall building that seemed like it was built somewhere 'high'. Alas, then I was out of time for the session, so in the end I had no real session here -- just a rather offbeat experience.

When I saw the feedback, I had the instant 'sense' that the weird thing I had seen, had been the crown chakra of the person in the target photo, and that it is really yucky. It was like a cross between a volcano and a sphincter and it was opening and closing in a rhythym, but it seemed all dried out, old and worn, grey-brown. I don't know how someone could be alive with a crown chakra like that. (Then again, see the feedback here. Maybe they can?)

I'm not going to claim that I viewed a chakra -- since it has no feedback! -- so perhaps that was only my imagination. Another session with zero viewing accomplished, but I suppose an interesting enough personal experience.

It occurred to me to wonder if perhaps this was a new, novel variant on the endless cycles of psychological resistance and denial to RV, but I decided no, I don't think so. I feel in my gut that there are some things that need to be going on with me right now, and I am not meditating much, so they have nowhere to happen but during my sessions. Sounds like my viewing may give me a good reason to meditate, in the end!

It's OK, I'm Not Real

I was shortly into a session when something arrived that I felt, even at the time, had nothing to do with the session, but was simply... happening during it. Perhaps because that is the only time I am not busy, the only time I "could" experience something that I might need to.

I saw a young woman, early 20's maybe. She had dark hair pulled back neatly, and wore an old fashioned dress. She had a pleasant but serious face and was a bit plump. She seemed to be in an era I would associate with maybe a couple centuries ago. She was sitting in front of something I knew was called a "spinnet," as if I knew that from her somehow, but which I vaguely recalled ("from me") was some kind of keyboard instrument in a past era. She was sitting on a bench to the left of another person whom I think she was teaching.

She saw me. When we made eye contact, I gasped, "You're ME!" -- I totally understand that she and I might have different bodies and live in different times but we "overlap" in the soul. She heard me, but instantly closed off perception; like a psychic block. She turned quickly back to what she was doing.

I went up between she and the other person and stared at her. She kept her eyes firmly focused ahead of her. I went around to her left and tried to get her attention. She continued trying to ignore me. I could see her third eye. I have seen this before when I've been out of body, although to my knowledge at this moment I was quite "in" my body (though I confess I was listening to hemi-sync™ at the time, so who knows).

It is nothing like the eastern drawings of a tiny eye between the brows. Rather, it is literally a sphere or globe, a little bit smaller than a ball from a pool table, and it's placed as if the forehead goes through the middle of it, just slightly below the middle of the forehead. The sphere is a sort of "thick cohesive-light, an energy-ball" in motion, but there is a clear sense of it being an eye and of its focus, except that somehow the 'eye' when you see it, also seems to convey emotions and more.

The eye followed my movement, perfectly aware of me. But 'she' was now concentrating very hard on the playing of the person next to her, deliberately trying to block out any perception of me. I felt this was a literal experience of me in some other reality; I mean, I felt that somewhere and somewhen, that young woman existed and had the experience of psychically perceiving me but then trying not to. I suppose psi perception is frightening for most.

I knew this had no relation to my target. I don't know why it occurred. I wrote down what I could of it after the event and before feedback, but I didn't expect any relationship between them. I couldn't get any data after that at all. Every time I tried, I had major body-abreactions, violent muscle jerks that told me I was "shunting off" the information, rejecting the data via the nervous system. I sighed, and ended the session. Not surprisingly, the target had nothing whatever to do with it. (It was... a duck. On the bright side, the last time I got 'a duck' as a target, I had a whole underground-caverns, men in army khaki's, very frightening session experience, so who knows, maybe I just have something very psychologically weird about . . . ducks!)

**

I didn't look at anything but her closely at all. In fact that is something I noticed the last time something anything like this occurred, was a rather interesting focus where despite that someone is sitting in an environment, despite some 'awareness' of the environment, it is like there is no peripheral vision whatever, only whatever I am paying attention to.

The last time was a few weeks ago I suppose. (I thought I had blogged this, but I guess not.) I was in the middle of a session, and suddenly rather "experientially" found myself standing in a doorway and looking in a room at this man. (I had a vague overlay of a room at The Monroe Institute for some reason. Perhaps I was OBE without realizing and that's why, who knows.) He looked to be perhaps east Indian in race, though he seemed American to me. He was dressed well, casually yet the sort that says he has either money or good taste or both. He was sitting on a couch and he had something on his lap he was paying attention to, that very indirectly / abstractly I thought of as a book. His hair was well past his shoulders, curly, but gathered neatly in a single braid or pony behind his neck.

Suddenly it was as if my staring at him got his attention and he looked up and saw me. "You can SEE ME!" I blurted out in astonishment. He apparently could hear me too, since his response was nothing short of "agog" level astonishment then. I realized he'd been sitting there with something on his lap and as I flew over to beside him I said, "Oh man! Are you VIEWING?!" and I looked down at his lap to see what he had, and he slammed something shut suddenly, so I couldn't see, seeming almost frightened of my sudden invasion of his space.

Then I was just sitting there in my session. My sense was that I had unintentionally run into someone else, who knows what a connect might be, but it felt like this-world real-time.

I found it curious that I'd had an experience similar to this with a man who was of East Indian race before. I mean this kind of thing doesn't happen to me daily after all, and I live in Oklahoma where "east" Indian race is pretty much nonexistent, so it is not like they are on my mind, and two experiences with a fellow fitting the same description seems a bit unusual. The previous one was a few years ago on a target of some fundie televangelist who'd told his congregation if they sent enough money for what he wanted, he would go down this giant waterslide. The photo is of him doing so, and nothing else. I was doing an experimental method on that particular session, of image-streaming, which in my view is a fabulous warmup but lousy as an RV method (too imaginative visually).

In the middle of the session I had, like the one above, a sort of "break" that was a minor world-its-own. I was watching this man who seemed to be an American yet of east-Indian heritage. He was wearing nothing but blue swim trunks, and he was all wet. His hair was short though not "too" short, and curly. He was walking alongside the edge of a pool, that I sensed was large and that there were lots of people there; I even sensed that somewhere in the environ there were tiny tables, though I've never seen anything like that in a pool environment. Anyway but the only thing I saw visually was him, and as he was walking he suddenly looked left---I was in a position that I suppose would have been hovering over the pool water a few feet to his side---and he SAW me, I could both see and feel his reaction. Then I was back sitting there in my session, wondering if I'd hallucinated all that, wondering how psychic a guy would have to be, to be that aware even outside of a meditative state. I wondered if it had anything to do with the target. Although the target was a waterslide and those lead into pools, still I don't know that it was related at all.

Anyway. On the second event, the man sitting in the room, given his response, I had to giggle a little afterward. Somewhere, someone is really kinda paranoid now and it is All. My. Fault.

The Bridge of Self

I've been doing viewing practice in an experimental series. You do a brief chakra meditation first, then focus on a given chakra, on intensifying its energy and asking 'through' that chakra for info. At each chakra you give yourself two or three prompts, writing/sketching data after each. The prompts are whatever you like but should be the same all the way through. I use 'tell me something that matters about this target' and 'give me what is most important about this target'. So far it has worked well enough. The change of chakra works like a new prompt, bringing new data. By the time I get to the end, if I've three prompts, it can be an hour. The data develops much as it does in any other model. The goal is to see if, over time and compilation, data of certain types (or via a certain perception-type) comes through more/less at certain chakras, or is more/less accurate at some. If nothing else a side effect is more chakra exercise.

I put the Narnia soundtrack on again (on my MP3 player with earbuds, gosh I love that thing, and how I love that soundtrack!) and did an inner guide meditation. I asked him to take charge of whatever he felt most needed doing on my part. He took my arm and we appeared on my bridge. That's the lonnnnng one, the high suspension bridge that seems to represent "me" and the length of it, this life. (I thought I had my meditations from the beginning of the year online to refer to but I see I don't. Dang. Well anyway...) It's a conscious-dream-construct, except spontaneous (the best kind). We appeared far from where I was last time. A good section of the bridge had nothing but some odd-looking light-colored cable-like shapes holding it together. Nearly the entire bridge at that point was "burned out" from underneath. Such a grevious wound. I wondered what part of my life or body (or both) this represented, but decided the point really was fixing it. My third of four, the captain overseeing the bridge reconstruction, came up beside me. My mate in the 'four' symbology, I looked at him and oozed love for awhile. Then I went back to the focus. It required a lot of effort, channeling energy and intent through me into some format that flowed and became the construction material to reconstruct the bridge. Finally it seemed all completed.

I turned to my guide, ready to leave, and I was falling asleep at that point, and there it went... I was about one molecule from sleep when my entire right-side of body gave a fantastic jerk so powerful it shocked me instantly awake and I looked up--to see my senior (the first of four), he was staring at me from inches away from my face, and I understood that he had 'caused' this massive physical abreaction, to get my attention and wake me up. I felt this large emotion difficult to articulate, but some degree of 'shocked awe-based fear' was involved because I had never realized that this 'spiritual aspect of me' could so physically affect my body.

"Join us inside the castle," he said. "More often. Come to the tower." In my sacred space used to be this tiny palisade that grew into a big castle when I wasn't looking last January. The four of us live in it, in a hilariously Narnia-like relationship that I swear I never grokked until this year, despite that my relationship with them has gone on since 1994. I sometimes go to the roof of the castle, and look out over a big river below and way off into the distant mountains. I don't go inside, after the early January meditations. I don't know why. I just haven't felt... like it was mine yet, somehow. I have never been in any part I would call 'the Tower'. But I guess I have to go. His... requests don't really allow argument.

Tides of the Dark

He was a calm man. He traveled up and down staircases in my dream, investigating different levels. He looked an ordinary man; decently distinguished, though dressed in black, much as priests do. I expect my recent reading helped shape his symbolic image. He had a trustworthy face, a kind face, reminding me vaguely of actor Tom Hanks in a current movie; that certain boyishness that some men never lose.

It was only coincidence; we happened to share a brief path of travel. The stairs; the tides. I suspect this was a sign of 'cycles', the tides, my symbolism. I saw that his calm footsteps away from one level were in fact an escape. Confusion and darkened chaos filled the place where he left, but never suspected his role.

There was a young boy, who had scraped the top of his toes somehow. It always began this way, I understood; only boys, only that age group. The left foot, I noted to myself in my dream. The left foot and ankle in biogram relate to homosexuality, among other things. This is a symbol: the child has been injured by this energy. More than injured, of course.

I don't know why I dream of such things.

The Warder

I recently read The Eye of the World, which is Book 1 of the series The Wheel of Time, by Robert Jordan. I liked it a lot. I got the first 9 books of the series to plow through. I don't do much fiction reading anymore so I love the escapism of it.

In the book there is this relationship role I rather liked, of a man with a woman in this case, he calls it a Warder. I imagine there's more info on this in later books, and I only have a small idea of the overall concept. I think, if you imagine a "different take" on "types of mating," maybe that would explain it.

I never thought I would marry. Even as a young child. I had a sense of "internal solitude," as well as a sense of having some sort of reason that would carry me in that way: traveling, interacting, protecting, communicating, teaching, but never really settling and sharing myself.

When I was about 13 and read Lord of the Rings, I encountered the character of Gandalf, and I remember thinking of this consciously at the time: that he was the closest character I had found to the "feeling" I had about my own role in adulthood. There was some sense of a person who "travels alone, even when they are surrounded by others."

I had a brief period of time from 16-19 where I had three boyfriends and in each we informally planned marriage, which we never got around to before ending it. And then I took a 10 year vow of celibacy. This didn't seem overly unusual to me at the time.

I remember when this changed. It was in January of 1995. I got a "Psychic Public Service Announcement," which is to say, I became aware of information that was broadcast very generically, regarding a new 'cycle' in the world and a substantial shift in the... novelty of experience that was expected as part of that. It coincided, almost as a 'by the way' sub-data, which what we call 'end times' etc. I realized that, as things were, I would not have the opportunity to "live a normal life this time." And to my astonishment, I felt a terrible sadness; my heart actually breaking. I didn't know until that moment that I wanted such a thing.

Within a few months I was married, breaking my 10 year vow 3 months early, and the next year I had a child. Talk about change. I changed my pattern, as the book might say. Drastically. My hyper-psi-awareness went underground as the other part of me manifested.

It feels they are starting to turn. Like a bookshelf that gradually turns and leaves the person standing there in another room entirely.

Now, as I get older, and my little girl is nearly 10, more and more of the feeling that I had most of my life starts to return to me. A sense of solitude and a need for it; a sense that on some level I am always alone and that is just the way of it; a sense that no matter how I love, or who I love, that there are "greater priorities" inside me, that drive me, and that I have a job to do and what I am doing does tie into it in places, but, that it will lead me, and this is an assignment with a level of dedication beyond what words can explain.

I feel as if what some call Divine Will is present in me, though much maligned by my own typical lack of clarity and maturity etc. It tells me that everything is ok. That I am where I need to be. That I am doing what I need to be doing. It does keep leaning on issues like health, and allowing myself more creative expression, and a need for more and regular sleep and meditation. But in general, I feel that not only do I have a path, but I am walking it, and everything is ok. It's all going according to schedule. Whatever that means.

I feel that the remote viewing things I pursue have a greater and deeper reason behind them, than whatever I might imagine is my reasoning. I feel that there are plans for my future that continue in that realm, but I don't know or even want to know the detail; I am doing what I feel is right for now. I plod along and every night and weekend put what effort I can into what seems right, what needs doing, an ongoing communication-set via internet. I feel the picture will gradually unfold itself, and I am not in any hurry.

My internal feelings, about myself, my destiny, my friends, etc. are beginning to get more intense, the way they were when I was younger. But unlike where I was for the last 10 years, even in my head, I feel as if a certain solitude is returning. Not that I will never be intimate with another person, just that the white picket fence suburbia life... I had my chance. Like a gift, it was given to me because I grieved for not getting it, because I wanted it so deeply, but... I feel as if gradually, it's ending. Not soon or immediately. Not in any bad way. Just in general.

In Jordan's book, the Aes Sedai (women with the magic) seldom marry. This is mostly I expect because their first dedication is to, well, a higher purpose that their 'magical order' (about the only parallel in our world besides a church) embraces.

It is the same with the Warders, a man who commits to an Ais Sedai (and she to him) in what I called above, a "different type of mating." Rather than being romantic and sexual, it is more an issue of shared energy, shared purpose, and mutual protection. It is a bond deeper than brother or best friend, deeper than priest or father, and different than marital-mate; lacking the sexual angle (anything overt anyway), it also lacks the many issues that "cloud" relationships of that sort, but as they are both powerful people, those powerful energies are sublimated into the relationship in other ways.

It is, you might say, the protective and spiritual bond of people who do not allow themselves a sexual and emotional mating; but who channel the power of those human needs into the type of mating they have. The result is entirely sexy and emotional to consider, as you might imagine; as if the lack of those elements only highlights them.

In a world where people were better capable of not having sex with other people at every whim, where a spiritual-psychic dedication really could come first in a person's life, this kind of relationship might be do-able. Not that many people are that deep, that singleminded, that committed to the divine will inside them. That able to commit to anything.

Somewhere out there, there is a Warder for me.

Fundamental Dreams

My dreams have sure been offbeat lately. Had "normal" dreams last night, by which I mean, nothing cosmic-sized or mind bending, just stuff that is probably archetypal, symbolic, and representing some fundamental stuff in me.

I was in a world like this, a feeling of future. Many people were... no more. Some official entity was sort of moving people across the continent in trucks and trains and more. Some woman told me she heard they were putting people in these clothes that had this long nearly unbreakable cord around the neck of it and that they were hung up by this later; stupid scary stories, I scoffed. Later they came and handed out these heavy cotten baggy overshirts, an ugly light blue, with impossibly long thick tie-strings around the neck. The woman looked so mournful.

So I escaped, and I was moving in the same direction they were, as we had to escape some bizarre geology process. I was trying to stay out of getting captured; there were so many people involved nobody really knew I was an escapee because I guess it didn't occur to them, the authorities were 'helping' people, people weren't arguing about that. I hitched rides in (and on) trucks and trains and jeeps and more.

Every time it would seem like we had enough time, I would hear this odd sound, and smell this odd smell, a sort of burning steam that reminded me vaguely of the smell in a gym 'sauna' room and a sound sort of like a 'muffled rumble-hiss'. And I would look around and run over to where it was coming from to see, and actual magma would be breaking through the ground in that place, usually just a few inches of strip, sometimes a few feet. This was not a volcano. I mean, this was ordinary land. But I understood that somehow, magma was starting to come through the land, come up through normal ground like water coming through seams in a badly sealed boat, and that's why everybody was moving, was to stay ahead of it, stay safe. And I would keep moving on.

I figure this dream must suggest that something fundamental is going on with me (the ground), and potentially that subconscious or deeper stuff is coming to the surface. Not good or bad, just weird when it takes on dream imagery.

Shared Identity

Once in awhile I have a spontaneous experience where, for anywhere from 2 seconds to 15 minutes, I simply 'am' someone else. I'm sure I cannot describe this in a way that could make anybody else understand how utterly real-and-literal this is. The people are just... normal people. I believe they are real people, alive in my world, during my time. Why I tune into them, I don't know; once in awhile I can track an interest in my life to it but usually it's pretty spontaneous and inexplicable. This is prone to happen when I'm a bit trancey, or on the edge of sleep (...but awake), yet it's not a dream. Whether it's real I cannot prove, but it's real to me. It's given me some pretty radical changes in perspective and a lot of food for thought.

If a human body (let alone a human being on some larger or more cosmic measure) is really just energy, then who is to say that identity must be hard-edged? If I 'share energy' with someone, for example as part of sex, have we just become a part of each other in some fashion? What kind of effects might that sharing have, psychologically and spiritually? Does mere intent to share do it? Am I also just a little bit merged with my closest friends and family? How much of each person's identity is actually a conglomerate of energies and shared-identities that they aren't even consciously aware of? If your ex-lover is still 'a part of you' on some psychic level, is that still affecting people?

In a shamanic sense, all this stuff is a given, a no-brainer, a 'yes of course'. But in the psychic worlds, most people have a hard enough time getting around a few basics. They often don't have a tendency to "follow logic to its natural conclusions" and see what the beliefs they already hold would actually entail.

Do you suppose we are drawn to certain people, at certain times, in the same way we are drawn to crave a food for its vitamins? Because we need to absorb a little of them----I assume there is some 'trade' usually----for our health, or our balance, or our ability to hold a certain focus?

So when you make a decision in your life... and people come pouring in---old friends, old faves, people you didn't know well till suddenly, and more---does it reflect that on some level you have 'called them in'? Or could it be that those you slightly-overlapped with in some small way, even unknowingly, are 'sparked' by your change, called to attention?

The Dark and Fiery Coup

It might have been because midday yesterday I read a neat book written by an online friend: his accounts of some of the psychic exploration he's done the last decade. It might be because I didn't get enough sleep. It might be because I'm a drama queen. Honestly, I don't normally consider myself concerned with what any Dark Overlord of the Astral might be doing. But I had this rather intense (though half-asleep) dreamish- "realization" in the dark this morning, as if it was something major it was important I be aware of:

It's a tremendous coup. Tremendous. It's taken a lot of 'time' in our world, to plan and to pull off, but now it is done, and it has succeeded. There is much gloating.

There is much about, knowing that this will change things, to be more in their favor than they've ever been. They see the darkness at the end of the tunnel, you might say: the devolutionary spiritual doom of humanity. They've finally put the dynamic in place to compensate for humanity's 'unfairly positive' (they feel) momentum: it is done. It is only a matter of time; they estimate less than a decade, now, with this added component.

The (angry, as always) laughter is because they did it within the rules. The rules that have 'unfairly' (they feel) bound them so long: and so, action cannot be taken against them for it. Not until it is time, and this will serve them well until then, and might even help when the time comes.

They did not create any new creature-- as forbidden. They did not manifest their own in our physical frequency-- as forbidden. The genetic line already existed: a natural part of this localized cosmic ecosystem.

The creatures are a type of Elemental, of the nature of Fire. They are fast and vivid; they have intense feeding, intense breeding, and a fairly short lifespan as such creatures go. But that is because their energy source has been limited; it has maintained the equilibrium of their numbers within their sphere of existence.

Who can complain about what was done?--the creatures were gifted: their operating frequency was enlarged. That's evolution, after all; to them, a fabulous thing has happened. Their species has been slightly ... modified.

They previously spanned a tiny range of frequency just outside humanity's primary energy envelope. Now, they just slightly overlap frequency with the primary energy signature of a human being.

They used to perceive us only indirectly; they watched the bright glow of humans just outside the range of their reality. They would have reached out for that massive, moving source of energy, the ultimate buffet, but we were not of their world, and they not of ours.

But that has changed now. Just a little; just at the edge; something humans will not be aware of, will not physically directly perceive, and would not be allowed to take seriously anyway. The little fire creatures will breed rapidly and without limit, now that they have a free food source.

The humans encountering them will feel drained; they will feel irritated; their physical immunity will lower and their spiritual focus, if they're not paying attention to maintaining it, will weaken. The effect will grow literally by the day, as more creatures breed and more humans are affected. The fire-creature numbers and effect will eventually push humanity over the edge of its luck, and it will implode, politically, physically, and spiritually.

And all this was done within the rules. A positive evolution was 'suggested' to an innately-local lifeform, and they were assisted in evolution. There is nothing in the rules preventing that.

It is perhaps the most deviously brilliant military strategic success in the timeline of this eons-long jihad.

It's time to wake up.

Doorways Out

In my sessions (RV or other psi sorts) I have a loose 'process' I go through. One point that has evolved (or devolved) over time is what I call the 'foreview', or 4/ for short in my session notes.

This arose from often finding that when I got to the point of doing a session, it seemed like my mind had something it wanted to share with me, "Now that I was finally quiet and still and paying attention." This may or may not have anything to do with the session. But in the high hopes of preventing my body/mind from needing to interfere with my session in order to communicate with me, I've started to make a habit of 'opening up the floor' just prior to starting the session.

Sometimes information comes through, sometimes not. Sometimes a guide or an emotion. Sometimes info relates to the following session, but usually not.

Last night in 4/ a young man showed up, and called me with his hand and beckoned me down a short hall and through a doorway. I followed him curiously, and found myself in a bit of a diff world. Walking across an odd landscape of bare planetary surface, reminding me vaguely of the RedCairo blog background I'd just set up, I called "Guides!" and willed Brin and Stet (my two closest) to show up for me, which they promptly did. "Is he trying to hurt me?" I asked them. They considered. "No," was their slightly delayed conclusion. "OK. Ride with me, in me invisibly, please, so I'm not alone," I requested, and they vanished into me like I was luggage. I continued my trek.

He took me into this offbeat area; we went down stairs, and under something, and through something, all the typical archetypal symbols of going through dimensions, different levels of frequency, whatever you want to call it (all the labels sound idiotic, but that doesn't stop the experience from being ok). I could feel we were getting far deeper into the inside of something and I was starting to wonder how easy it would be to get back out.

"Guides!" I demanded again, having an overlay of Heinlein's 'Jubal' yelling Front! They appeared promptly. "Is this part of the target?" I asked them. They shook their heads no. "Is this guy distracting me like an inorganic?" I asked suspiciously. They said, "Yes." I almost sputtered in indignation. "Well why didn't you say so?!" I demanded.

"You didn't ask," said Stet. "He wasn't trying to hurt you."

I sighed in exasperation. "But he is trying to get me to a place where he can lock in a range of frequency and feed off that energy," I snapped. "I can sense that; all of my proximity and 'be wary' bells are going off. Now maybe YOU don't think that's a form of harm, but I do!" They both shrugged at me.

"It's your choice," said Brin, sounding reasonable, and sounding as if he didn't think I was being very much of that. "He didn't make you come here. We don't interfere in your decisions." I just stared at them for about 5 seconds, thinking, for godssakes...

I marshalled my will and pulled myself superfast back through the way I'd come until I was back in the 4/ grounds and the scout who looked like the young man was standing over by the door again. I understood why he looked like that. I have an innocent-distant though intense affair of the heart with a younger man; indistinct visage, but the basics of my assumptions were there... it had taken what was in me, for form. Not unusual, but it's been so long since I've had experiences as spontaneous visions and guides and entities and so on, that I've forgotten to be alert. He looked at me from the doorway and I almost felt my heart aching for him; I totally understand why he'd want some of that energy, who wouldn't. I didn't take it personally.

So, back in foreview, the grounds were empty. I sighed and got on with my session.

Which although it had target contact (most have at least some), was typically lousy of late. I can't wait till this slump passes.

Sex and the Great Suffusion

Aside from the rather creative universe accessed via the doorway inside my head, I have that sensual rapport of body, accessed via intention I suppose, though dreams prompt it as well.

I think of all the types of psi that I've done either spontaneously or, deliberately but very casually (it's not RV), energy-rapport with another person is probably the one I feel most confident about being able to invoke at will. Obviously, a positive rapport on both sides is needed, though. I don't know that it isn't workable otherwise, it may well be, it's just that without the former situation I have no desire to get that close to someone.

There is no way to describe how well lust transfers psychically. (Anybody who fears psi, who thinks it's some passive self-contained stand-alone phenomenon, should just quit reading now.) How it intensifies like a thick red cloud of trance-inducing affection and suffuses your body, settling in the lower two chakras like a lover taking up permanent psychic residence deep inside you.

I wonder what energetic side-effects this kind of bond has.

Gods. I love it!

Rising from the Dead

Today is Easter. Today is the day we celebrate a really nice guy who allegedly was beat up, murdered, and then ascended in a singular rapture that reverberates culturally around our planet 2,000 years later.

I met him once. Jesus, I mean. But it was only for a few instants in a psychic sense, and even that nearly overloaded my heart chakra. Another half-minute and I might have been off saving the planet in some overgrown 4th world country.

Fortunately it was just enough to completely screw up my personal religion: I grew up Christian, but intuitively I always felt that 'the Christ' was something to model, admire, rapport with, but not to 'worship AS' God. Needless to say, my church was not pleased about this. They suggested I pray but the more I prayed, the less I believed it, until I finally decided that was my answer.

Later in life I got extremely cynical about organized religion. Yet there he was. So what did that mean, I wondered? That all the BS I thought I escaped from is true? Or....?

I am not sure where the borders to angels, entities, thoughtforms, godforms, deities, etc. might be. Seems pretty fuzzy and nefariously confusing to me. The only thing I'm sure of is Jesus; and Archangel Michael; and that I have a 'higher self' I sometimes call 'The Blue Eyes of Soul'; and what I call 'my Elementals of Soul', where I perceive as the 4th.

What chess piece or monopoly square or flow-chart organizational managerial totem-pole-power structure each of these identities fits into in my world, your world, or the universe.... I have no idea.

But today is Easter. So I'm going to consider it a happy day, and an analogy with the rising of 'awareness' in all of us. I will start a new blog that I'll only post on occasionally with the esoteric bizzaro stuff I can't post on my other blogs lest all my more respectable friends freak out.

If they only knew.