They Come & They Go

Men.

Well, I had promised. So I went back into the inner world to call on Nero. Why any guide would choose a name like that I have no idea. Maybe Ghengis and Napolean were already taken.

He has dark hair, very straight, short and shaggy. Medium to dark complexion, a heck of a strong nose, and dark, intense eyes. A smile that melts me, a grin that makes me giggle and an intensity that is a little bit frightening.

I tell myself that either my imagination is improving by leaps and bounds or something in the last six months has really broken free inside me (and I hope it isn't what's left of my mind), because I previously couldn't 'see' any guide at all, and I could never hear them. It's long been my biggest gripe, that I had 'awareness' of their presence but I could not see or hear them. Yet I could see him fairly clear all things considered, and hear him as well.

I still have a little bit of a resistance---I have to distract myself slightly in order to get what he is saying, or analytical ego will try to forcibly create my expectations instead. It is an actual Art or skill all its own, interacting with anything and anybody in the psyche-psychic realms; a combination of holding a focus yet releasing a control that walks a fine borderline of attention that I am not sure everybody would be able to do.

So according to Nero, I have shifted into a... new level of perception. But the way he put it made it sound like everybody else had stepped back and I accidentally 'volunteered' to accomplish something; it sounded more like a job than an opportunity. I think I would have liked it better if he'd been suggesting that I am happily evolving and he had arrived to serve me. Heh. Aren't I the center of the universe. But instead it sounded a lot more like I had finally done something I should have done ten years ago and he'd been called in for job training.

He suggests that I'll be getting into areas where more "proactive" psychic efforts are called for. He is there to help force me to 'see' what I need to see and would otherwise block; and to mentor me in whatever 'proactive' psi he is talking about (I am severely fuzzy on those details), and to protect me until I can protect myself, a topic which rather unnerved me. Last I heard, I was still going on about how since we create our own reality I just won't believe in anything bad and la-ti-da the world will go fine. (Would someone please inform the IRS? They appear to be violating my Pollyanna's Rules for Reality.)

I ended up committing to allowing him to override protective systems that would prevent my conscious awareness of things that he specifically chooses to have me aware of. Let's hope that doesn't come back to haunt me. Literally.

Prior to calling him in I was talking to Brin (an outer guide). Brin is the only guide I have seen with utter-stark-visual-clarity, him-the-person not him-the-spiritual-identity. He is an asian fellow of indeterminate age (I suck at guessing ages in people anyway). Anyway me and Brin were having this conversation, and I was pulling energy through me to him and to the inner world at large (it seems to 'grow' in accordance with the energy/attention I 'feed' it) and suddenly I had this really offbeat thought. I have no idea where it came from, as this has never occurred to me before.

I said, "I don't know what makes you my guide. I don't know if I caused it, you did, we both did, or if some interaction between us somewhen in the universe, a karmic link as some would think of it, has. But if you are bound to me by anything at all, I forgive you, I release you, I relieve you of the bond. You are free." This was just out of the blue the idea and urge came to me. Brin looked like there was nothing I could have said that would have flabbergasted him more. He couldn't even respond for a minute. And then he was really smiling, and walking away, but he kept turning around and looking back at me, like he just couldn't believe this had happened.

I called after him, "Well you don't have to go! You are always welcome!" and he said, "You will see me again... at some point." And then looking ridiculously happy about it all (I mean sheesh, was I that bad to be a guide for??), he turned and ran and disappeared. It was all rather disconcerting. Somehow in the space of 30 seconds, an idea I'd never had before hit and before I knew it, I had just lost my most solid guide. Not my daily-reality guide (that is Stet) but still, Brin's the only one I've ever seen as clearly as I see a person in front of me. And even though intellectually then I wondered if I should do that little exercise with other guides, like Stet who was standing right there, it just felt very not-right to do it with anybody else.

I didn't view yesterday. I was really exhausted and I meditated and then went to sleep, instead. Tonight is another day... so to speak.