Wednesday, March 05, 2008


Archived from the former firedocs blog. 04 September 2005

Sewing (sowing?) the thread of truth. That's my job if I want to hold the line.

[This section greatly edited/reduced in 1999 because it was trivia that I felt distracted from the worthiness of the rest of the post.] I had cause to wonder at length about people who lie all the time, and the amount of lying involved in the UFOlogy and Remote Viewing fields and especially their media.

Anyway. I went to sleep after that and had a striking, very linear sort of dream.

I was sitting in a room at a table with half a dozen nuns. One was clearly in charge. We were discussing this issue. One of the understandings I got was that the more somebody talked, the more difficult it is for them to (and the more unlikely it is that they can) "hold the feel of truth." In the dream I could feel this like an actual energy that went through the chakras of my body and connected, grounded deep and solidly into the earth. The more one thought before speaking, and "felt inside themselves" to "find the thread of truth" first, the more familiar they got with the feel (of truth). I realized that a couple of the nuns hardly spoke if at all, and that they had some profound understanding of these concepts, as a result of this silent experience.

It was shown me that the more out of balance certain energies are, the more a person will talk, the less 'truth' will be in it, and over time, the less they are able to feel truth and what is not (until, at the more extreme cases, they lose all ability to distinguish). This problem energy is felt in the body, not just some metaphysical plane, though our culture hasn't recognition of it or words for it. This lack of balance causes a great need for the person to 'express'. Not only that, but the more 'attention' they can get from others to take in their energy, the more they can disperse, so they are drawn not only to talking but to as many as possible. It is like they are pulling in a stream of energy that is not good for them, has no resonance with their body or spirit really, and so they subconsciously have a terrible need to vent it, to find a source willing to take it in, to get it through and out of them.

This is done with talk. It can be done in other forms.

I tuned back into the questions that brought the dream on. The nuns and I, like a group lesson/exploration, 'experienced' how people like this are just ... well, they are ill. This... problem is as much a spiritual (and psychological and even slightly physical) illness as a bleeding wound or viral infection would be. In most cases the condition is an accidental thing they themselves gradually brought on over the course of their lives, by never bothering to care much about truth vs. the need for attention. (I felt as a "subthought" that the need for attention was one of the primary causes of untruth, that the truth is a maintaining energy [hard to phrase this; you might say 'it feeds you'], that the more lack-of-truth one has, the more one 'needs' energy from others, and hence needs 'attention' from others [they 'pay' attention, as the Narrator once put it] and hence this became sort of a cycle/spiral.)

No conspiracies were necessary, I saw. My wondering about that was misled. Not that there aren't any conspiracies, simply that pathological lying is its own problem aside from that. It was natural that people with such problems would be drawn to the UFO/RV fields and drawn to seek media exposure.

I started talking then. I could feel the shift of energy inside me. I realized (in the dream) that if I conserved my words to only speak the truth, I would feel again---as I have many times before---the clear sense that there is really very little to say.

I think that is why, when being "intuitive," I often have the weird need to pull in lots of sounds I have to find words for. This makes any given sentence impossibly long (and seemingly, more metaphysical and less specific). It is like I am trying to find the right shape. Like I cannot change what I have to begin with, as I am using English. But I can "feel" it isn't right. So I have to add in enough other ingredients (sound-shapes) to change the overall product. So the meaning of the shape of the sound, better matches the meaning of the words in our language.

We practiced back and forth. I found that if I really delved into myself to find the utter-truth, the most profound energy of that, that I became less and less willing to speak at all. It was like, the more attuned I was to truth in a spiritual sense, the more I felt that general conversation did not---could not---touch it.

It had not occurred to me before that maybe this is not a polarity-thing; maybe things are not just 'truth vs. lies'. Apparently there is an entire... 'existence' which is not a 'lie' per se, but is not truth, either. It is more like, "not applicable." As if, our world is illusion, but it floats on the surface of truth and has some points in common. Some things, you can 'dive below' and feel the truth and pull it up 'through' our world. Truth has incredible power here, actually. (If it doesn't seem like it, I suspect it's more a matter of there being so little of it, rather than it not having immense power.) Most the conversations about our world itself (daily conversation) is not a truth. That doesn't make them a lie. It is more like, they are unrelated to real-truth because the logical stuff is entirely based in the floating illusion we live in.

Truth, in this case, is not just an issue of whether the surface-meaning of a word fits a situation in our world. It is almost as if there really should be two different words involved here because there are two very different concepts. Like the eskimos and all their words for snow, we have only one word for 'truth'. That is partly because intellectually we have failed to articulate---perhaps because spiritually, most of us have failed to notice---the profound difference.

There is what we call truth in our surface world, meaning, it is not a deliberate or even accidental inaccuracy about this-world's situations. But there is another thing, an energy which is "of the spirit" I suspect is how the nuns would describe it---it is like the fundamental energy-cloth, the fundamental fabric of our universe, which we can use as part of ourselves, for our constant creation. (It is the energy of Creation itself, with a capital C, I suddenly feel. When we create with truth running through us and our creations, it is a very powerful, primal thing.)

This has literally nothing to do with the surface-chatter about our reality that we live in the soup of most the time. "It is raining," or "I went to the store," these are not lies, but they are not of the energy of 'truth' that is of the spirit, either. They are simply surface discussion that are not intellectually-linearly inaccurate.

It is not that one cannot have casual conversation. It's that one must be aware that this is what it is; one must have sufficient 'truth' energy within them that the constant barrage of "surface trivia" that is not-truth (though it is not-lie, simply not-applicable) doesn't pull one away from intimate familiarity with 'the feel of truth'.

By expressing my energy in a way that was surface and separate from truth (not a lie; just... "idle chatter"), I moved farther and farther from the feel of it; from the thread of it running through me. Throwing in some exaggerations and more, I finally lost it altogether. The more I realized that, and realized the nuns were watching how I learned from this, the more I tried to justify and explain myself---intellectually alas, not by "feel"---to the nuns, especially the woman in charge.

I noticed that when I truly "lost the feel of truth," that I got a lot more intellectual all the sudden, even downright technical, as if this were an overcompensation. I tried ever-harder with "specific LOGICAL detail," like a tool, never alas achieving the feeling of 'truth' with it that subconsciously I was aiming for and felt it would obtain.

Our conscious minds think that accuracy is truth. Accuracy relates to surface-details and our interactions. Truth in a spiritual sense is something that there is no other word to define; it simply IS. There is no.... how do I articulate this... there is no accuracy or inaccuracy concerning real Truth (with a capital T). Truth simply IS in the most profound and fundamental way. Nothing can be said about it at all, because all the words we have are but shallow surface reflections.

That reminds me of something. Wonder if it's related. O Nuit, continuous one of Heaven, let it be ever thus; that men speak not of Thee as One but as None; and let them speak not of thee at all, since thou art continuous! -- Liber al vel Legis

At a slight signal from her they all got up from the table, and quietly walked away from me. I followed them as we went down a hallway, with them continuing away from me. I sort of understood at that point, that it was my conscious wondering about truth that brought us into contact. They are, you might say, experts on this subject. Many in their order do not speak at all.

The dream changed. I found myself with two individuals I used to work with, both of whom were extremely untruthful as personalities, though I liked them. They were going to give me a ride home. I realized this was the real lesson: if I could not "hold the line" of truth well enough, those within that energy would not associate with me, as they would quite literally have nothing in common with me. Those who were themselves living in some rebound, refractive non-truth, would be drawn to me like kindred spirits. I remembered the "birds of a feather" saying and how it has always seemed quite valid to me.

I considered how many people I cannot associate with because there simply is no 'connect' between us; I feel they have no connection to whatever truth I hold. It is as if they are "not applicable" to my reality. Then I considered how often I feel the issue with J, almost from the other side; he seems to have a... maybe a larger experience of truth, much of which I have no comprehension of. He couldn't tell me about it if he wanted to; words can't convey this. People either have it running through them, and understand because it is part of them, or they don't. All education is internal in this regard and can't be given on the surface to others.

I realized that I need to pay more attention in my daily life to talking less, and thinking more. To pause before answering. To FEEL inside myself: "What is the truth, and the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?" before speaking, or writing.

Interesting, the part about the nuns. Do they actually do that "vow of silence" thing in today's day and age?

I'm not catholic. The closest I've ever come to any nuns is perhaps passing them in a shopping mall or something.

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