Archived from the former firedocs blog. 24 February 2006
Recently I was thinking about my transition from Religious to Anti-Religious to Agnostic to Metaphysical to Occult to Areligious to, these days, either oblivious or intensely spiritual, depending on the day. From the age of 15 to my current 40, about the only thing I can say has been consistent with me is that I am sincere.
I could not be more cynical about 'organized' religion and what amounts to governance and control, and yet, at this point in my life I have more respect for what churches have and can do than I ever have.
I could not be less in line with any organized theologisophilosomethingish if I tried, and yet, my "relationship" with ... identities that I consider to be spiritual beings (or at the very least, something different than myself), is more powerful than ever. And with the idea that we all have a purpose, that nobody is born or dies by accident, etc.
I am not and have never been Catholic. Yet I have so much Catholic imagery in some of my experiences I wonder if that's all become an archetype. And then ironically, I am connected with two 'religions', one gnostic-catholic and one a metaphysically-catholic. Who knew there were so many options. ;-)
I once I wrote about a dream I had involving a group of nuns. If I have a parallel life, one is probably killing people as a soldier and the other is probably a nun. It would figure, and would explain a lot I suppose...
But I dream things like that. And now and then I just fall into the feeling of (Archangel) Michael. I feel that for whatever reason, I am aligned with him, and with Mary, whom neither the church nor history truly controls or has an inkling into the power of.
Some days I don't think about it even once. Some days I feel "filled with the spirit" and "in the center." Those days, synchronicity and 'awareness' are much higher; maybe those things cause that feeling, who knows. I have to wonder about Michael looking like a shimmering multicolor orb of light in a vaguely human form but with some 'lack of distinct' near the feet; all that red-orange-gold-yellow schema (not to be stupid, but I'd have expected blue); this in an RV session I desperately wished I'd continued longer... not bad for 2 minutes in a parking lot (sigh).
Why does it call me and not others?
I still have what I call 'occult' dreams. I dream about the Order (O.T.O.) or something analogous to that at least, rituals and some very weirdish things that, once awake, I can pretty clearly see the symbolism in. I wonder why I still dream about that, as if my "development continues on," even though consciously I have nothing to do with that anymore.
I dream about my future, my destiny, a 'role' of sorts that I resist like crazy. Nothing important, mind you, just that I am more comfortable in my armchair. I dream about things that tie into a "christ" realization, I am not talking about Jesus here but about a certain state of consciousness. I still don't really understand how I can get both Christian stuff and Occult stuff and Catholic stuff -- and even sometimes alien stuff -- and it's all in the same darn world. Jungian Stew, as I call it.
When I was a Christian I prayed fiercely to better understand the truth of Jesus, and ended up believing he'd been a good man but most the stories were myth, since that is what years of prayer led to. Yet, once I was totally NOT religious, I MET "Jesus" for real, in spirit, and was overwhelmed, and totally understood the bawling-stunned-starry-eyed response that people have to being genuinely, not just for the church but in spirit, "Born Again."
Maybe He is a thought-form; I just don't know. It is all sort of confusing to be honest.
I was listening to oldies, John Denver, the other day and he was singing,
He was born in the summer of his 27th year
Coming home to a place he'd never been before
He left yesterday behind him, you might say he was born again
You might say he found a key to every door-- from Rocky Mountain High
That line 'coming home...' always gets me in that song. I wonder if there is a place, a mate, a destiny, for each person, or if it's really just whatever you make of life in some unspiritual, unimportant random odds kind of thing. If we create our reality in part or wholly, does believing in destiny create it?
I think I am going to start reading the i Ching again at night. Like the bible, moreso in many ways, it has a certain 'grounding-mellowing' effect. As if whatever you read, then your subconscious is working on it from then on, without your attention.
How remote viewing ties into all of this, I surely don't know, except that 'being aware' is IMO usually a good thing.
Psi is a whole new take on things. Kinda like when God leaves a callback number I guess.